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Um you guys? What in the literal hell is going on with all of the stupid campaigns this month? Is March Madness rotting everyone’s brains? Newest thing to be pissed off about: “Bring your dick to the table.” If you have no idea what I’m talking about, let me explain.
Holly Wilson is the artist behind this heinous idea. The Oklahoma-based artist found that after being negotiated out of her commission by a gallery coordinator, there was only one thing keeping her from getting what she wanted; a literal penis. So she decided to make a one and a half inch bronze hee-hee to carry around as a reminder that she is in fact on equal footing as a man. Oh and it gets better. She now has a Kickstarter because she plans on making 100 more so she can share this empowerment with others.
Oh my god, what? First Ban Bossy and now this? I am really glad we have resorted to making and selling little baby genital good luck charms for the masses. That is really great and makes me feel good about where our society is at right now. No. NO NO NO NO NO. Friends of Holly Wilson, you are fake ass friends for telling her that this campaign was a good idea. You guys should have stopped her at the first peen.
In her ridiculous Kickstarter video, Wilson says “And I realized right there, I could let this take me, wash me out, or I could hold on to my dick. And I can negotiate like the equal that I am.” Ok and then her voice literally starts to get shaky towards the end of the video and I’m like GIRL. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER AND STOP CRYING OVER YOUR MICROPENIS PROJECT. She is seriously blowing it with this one.
Giving a woman a penis—especially a penis that small—is not and should not make women feel like they are on equal footing with men. We don’t need a cock to feel equal. Why would I need to carry male genitals around to gain some courage in this world? And sorry but if I was going to do that, then I would get a way bigger one, and made out of gold or something. I get that it’s mostly trying to be funny but it’s also so irritating that this bish is down to turn this into an actual campaign. Literally what’s next? A campaign to force women to grow facial hair to get on a guy’s level? Enough.
Wilson told Slate in an interview that she’s not “slapping it on the table or threatening people with my tiny dick…It’s more about reminding ourselves that the only reason we’re being devalued is because of this ridiculous appendage we don’t have.” Ok lady. Pack up your Persian cukes and go home. This cause is a little too small for me, and in this case, size definitely matters.
Rula Al-Nasrawi is a Columbia Graduate whose writing has appeared in Vice, The Atlantic, and other online publications. Her first language is valley girl. Californian bred, NYC residing. @RulaOfTheWorld
