We’ve all had them, devastating break ups that leave you in bed, wallowing away in sorrow. Not the wallowing type? Okay, those devastating break-ups where you black-out on the weekends for a month straight and have so many one-nighters that even Samantha from Sex and The City is concerned. Regardless, there’s always those dudes that we think we can’t live without for a while, but once they’re gone? We realize we can survive… maybe even better, without them. However, there are some men we will always need in our lives, maybe not the ripped soccer player that stopped calling you freshman year, or the suave finance dude that loves sushi, but these men will never break your heart.
1. Ben & Jerry
Aren’t these the guys we’re supposed to turn to after a break up anyways? Regardless of if you’re an ice cream lover, these guys AlWAYS do it right. And hey, two is better than one, am I right?
2. Mr. Clean
Once we all realized that we were living on our own and that the bathroom doesn’t clean itself, we started relying on this bald hunk to remove the clumps of hair from the shower and make sure are toilets look pristine if, god forbid, anyone ever comes over.
3. Jose Cuervo
If we’re not turning to Ben & Jerry after a break up, we’re turning to Jose. Fuck, we’re turning to Jose no matter how we’re feeling, he’s always ready for a good time. That is until Jose ditches us and we become closely acquainted with the toilet..
4. Walt Disney
Let’s be real here, if you say you’re too old for Disney movies you are fucking lying. You’re telling me you wouldn’t take a free trip to Disney world right now? Okay, maybe if we could clear out the kids that would be even better, but still.
5. Frank (of Frank’s Red Hot)
I put that shit on everything. Wait, except I actually do.. Although I tend to cheat on good ol’ Frankie with Sriracha from time to time, we like a man who’s spicy. The girl above knows what’s up.
6. Trader Joe
I’ve heard the joke that Trader Joe’s is the poor man’s Whole Foods, and you know what, you’re right. Whole Foods is delicious as hell, but Joe is a lot less of a strain on my bank account which makes him way sexier to me. Not to mention that I met one of my past boyfriend’s at Trader Joe’s, or you could find your missed connection?
7. The Pillsbury Dough Boy
Who needs a six pack when you can have this cutie? Not to mention the cookie dough, croissants, and sugar cookies with adorable holiday decorations that he brings along. I may or may not have a stuffed animal version of him in my room at home…
8. Ronald Mcdonald
Regardless of the fact that he may look like a creepy clown rejected from this season of American Horror Story, you can’t pretend that Ronald hasn’t played a crucial role in your life. Although the only thing I ever really enjoy from there soberly are their McGriddles, Mcdonald is always there when you need him and you can always count on him to be reliable.
9. Manolo, Salvatore, and Christian
Boys come and go, and your favorite mini dress may not fit you perfectly forever. But, shoes are good, shoes are ALWAYS good.
