Martin Depict
When it comes to The Big O, some girls go all out, putting on a show for everything, from head to sex and everything else you dirty birds do in bed. For other girls, foreplay and sex are spoiled by intense insecurities and self-doubt. This isn’t a guide for a one-night stand, and it’s not a first date handbook. These are solid answers and tips of undeniable concerns and questions that real girls, like you, have.
Let’s be honest, sometimes we feel like sex kittens between the sheets (or wherever it is we decide to get down and dirty) and sometimes we feel a little self-conscious. Let me make this perfectly clear to those of you who need reminding: That is normal. Never feel ashamed of your insecurities or your turn-ons. Whatever you’re working with, good or bad, is totally okay. But for those of you hoping to own the bedroom, here are some useful, practical, and most importantly, fun tips to help you conquer your insecurities and be confident with your lover.
Let’s get right to it with the #1 thing people get weird about: eye contact. Whether you’re giving or receiving, sometimes it feels a little awkward to stare someone dead in the eyes. You might feel bashful or vulnerable, but if you really think about it, being able to hold eye contact and have that kind of control during intimacy is empowering! Don’t get me wrong. I’m not telling you to go out and have a staring contest next time you’re going down on someone (not that you can’t do that), but don’t be afraid to look up (or down) into their eyes to intensify an already deep and passionate moment.
What if eye contact during foreplay is the least of your worries because you’re less than eager to go down under at all? If oral just isn’t your thing, that’s totally cool. But if you’re just a little shy and curious to try it, don’t be afraid to ask. If you’re worried you have little to no idea what you’re doing down there, straight up ask your partner what they want. Not only will they literally tell you what to do (if you choose to do it), but everyone finds it a little sexy when someone asks what they can do for you in bed, right? From there, just take it slow, and look and listen for cues from your partner on what feels good and what doesn’t. You’ll catch on quick and wonder why you even worried in the first place.
Another common concern is the fact that sex is an incredibly jarring activity. Are you following me? Your entire butt-naked body is being shaken around for someone to witness. Think front camera-type angles. So, maybe you and your partner want to try a new or unfamiliar position, but it puts your body on some serious front-row display, and you’re a little hesitant. Girls have a hard time understanding this, but we need to keep hearing it until we all finally accept it and move on. During sex, men are not judging our bodies – they’re enjoying them, and reveling in the sheer fact that they’re getting to have sex with you. You’re hot! So next time you want to try something new that puts your goodies on display, just do it. You’ll be glad you did, and so will he.
On the other hand, what if you want to try something new but you’re nervous they won’t be into it, or you’re embarrassed for wanting to try it at all. This is not the time to be self-conscious. Really, there is never a good time for being self-conscious. Be confident! When you’re with your lover, it’s easy to feel vulnerable, but you should always trust the person you’re with. If you don’t trust them, you shouldn’t be having sex with them. Point blank. You should trust them with your body, your mind, and your heart. I know that’s a lot to ask, but if you seriously want to avoid getting hurt, these should be your three must-haves. It’s important to have an open line of communication both in and outside the bedroom. If you have any concerns or questions, discuss them. You’ll feel much more at ease, and you’ll both feel closer, making the sex that much better.
Sometimes you might be feeling a little more body conscious for one reason or another and would feel more comfortable with the lights off. That’s natural, and if you’re dead set on it, then by all means- do it. But if you want to feel confident with the lights on, just go for it! Leave the lights on. All bodies are different in look and feel and taste. Being able to see everything that’s going on isn’t something to be worried about – it’s a turn on to watch each other.
What if you think your nipples are weird or your hips are ugly? Like I said: Every body is different. There is no normal because all bodies are uniquely beautiful. If you’re having body image issues, invest in yourself first. Take care of yourself and do little things each day to raise your self-esteem, and know that we are all unique. What may seem weird to you most likely won’t even be noticeable to anyone else. We’re all our toughest critics after all.
A lot of girls want to ignore or hide their insecurities between the sheets, but I’m here telling you not to do that. Face and conquer your fears! It’s time we stop living in our heads and start living in the now. Allow yourself to get lost in the moment, especially when that moment involves sex. Sex is about being free and connecting with someone on the deepest level. Don’t limit yourself. Just be.