In honor of his 21st birthday, Justin Bieber approached Comedy Central about having a roast at his expense; his first steps in his media campaign for us all to fall in love with Biebs again. The event was taped this weekend in Los Angeles and featured a celeb-filled lineup of roasters all ready to come for Bieber’s ass. Here is a roundup of some of the most brutal lines delivered to the young superstar. The special airs on March 30th.
“… You haven’t put out an album in three years. What are you doing? If you listen closely you can hear the sounds of One Direction fucking your fans.” —Jeffrey Ross
“I’m here to give Justin Bieber some tips for when he inevitably ends up in prison … change up those tattoos. You have an owl on your arm and the word patience on your neck. I would suggest the words ‘white power,’ full back, so you don’t look like some 14-year-old girl’s Trapper Keeper.” —Martha Stewart
“Justin Bieber, the man. Why are you here? … You are about to get fucked harder than Orlando Bloom fucked Selena Gomez.” —Chris D’Elia
“You gotta give it up for Justin. He started from the bottom and he’s still a bottom.” —Hannibal Buress
“Selena Gomez wanted to be here but she’s dating men now. Is it true you dumped her because she grew a mustache before you?” —Jeffrey Ross
And then Bieber himself got into the action and dropped a few bombs on his tormentors. No lie, he definitely has some (already written for him) comedy chops:
“Look, I’m new to comedy, but here’s a joke: What do you get when you given a teenager $200 million dollars? A bunch of has-beens calling you a lesbian for two hours.” —Justin Bieber
“Martha, thanks for coming. I know that’s something you probably don’t do much of anymore.” —Justin Bieber