I thought the age of sending nudes and bathroom pictures was over. But coming back into the dating game I’m finding that this is not entirely true. And there is nothing more annoying than texting a guy who seems semi charming and sweet and then have him ease the conversation into you sending him pictures.
First off, if I’m not working then I’m in bed or drinking (sometimes drinking in bed). And when I’m in bed there is usually a Seamless order next to me or I’m on the verge of catching up on all the sleep I never fucking get during the week. And if I’m drinking, well the only boys I want to talk to are at the bar or on the shelves behind the bar. Neither of these scenerios will equate to me taking a sexy picture for you.
And secondly, why don’t guys volunteer to send a picture? Let me guess, they’re busy or not at home. Which is how I learned to use their excuses on them. Most of the time if I do receive a text asking for a picture, I play it off as if I’m not at home. Chances are I’m probably lying in bed at home or on my couch, but I’ll text the guy back with a, “Oh, I can’t! I’m about to hop on the train because I’m going to friend’s baby shower,” and then I turn my iMessage off for around 30 minutes, sometimes more. Only so they can see the green bubble and fall for my stupid trap.
And honestly, I can’t remember the last baby shower I went to so that should be a key red flag to any guy texting me. But for my fellow dolls who may be getting harassed with idiots wanting pictures, here are a few lines to use on them:
“I’m at the movie theater with my family.”
“My phone is on like 5%.”
“Boarding my plane right now!”
“My storage is sooo full, it won’t let me take pictures.”
“I shattered my camera last week. Such a bummer, I know.”
“I just sent it to you like three times. It didn’t go through? Weird.”
“I’m at a work event all night!”
“There’s a picture of me at the beach on my Instagram. Can’t you just use that?”
“I had a bad allergic reaction so I’m stuck in the hospital tonight.”
And finally, the best way to end all the shenanigans:
“You are a joke and I don’t have time for this.”