Being queer is always an adventure. On one hand it can be super freeing– isn’t it nice to not have to be limited by the gender of anyone to be able to be sexually and romantically attracted to them? For me, at least, that’s a huge plus, knowing the very high ratio of creepy douchebag dudes out on the prowl. But sometimes being queer can be hugely frustrating.
For instance…
1. Men assume that being “bi” means that you want to have a threesome.
While it isn’t necessary off the table, just because I don’t feel limited by gender with regard to my romantic endeavors, doesn’t mean that I automatically want to mix and merge and involve everyone at once.
2. Bi people face an immense amount of hostility from the gay community… which is ironic. And sad.
Some gay people, men and women, seem to be convinced that bi people don’t actually exist and that we are either still clinging to heterosexuality out of comfort, or are just interloper in the LGBT community. Hey– the B is there for a REASON. We are bi and that means we can get down with anyone, pretty much. What is so hard to understand about that?!
3. People like to tell you that you are “experimenting”.
Nope. I am not experimenting. The assumption that just because I am having sex with people of different genders somehow means that I don’t know what I like is just ridiculous. I know what I like. I like having sex with people regardless of what gender they identify as. There is no experiment going on here. No one is in a lab coat. No one is recording any data. I’m just bi. This shouldn’t be that hard to grasp.
4. People assume that you are a “greedy” bisexual who wants to have their cake and eat it too.
This always astounds me. A lot of people assume that people who are Bi want or need to be in relationships with both genders simultaneously. This somehow makes them inherently “unfaithful.”, and promiscuous. First of all, to assume this solely based on someone’s sexual orientation is simply outlandish. Secondly, if a Bi person DOES feel as though they can’t fully express their sexuality without concurrently having sex with both genders, well, why does it even matter? If Bi people can find partners who are open and willing to respect their desires…then how is this a bad thing? I mean after all, what is the point of having cake, if not to eat it?
5. If you’re dating a dude while Bi, then you’ve suddenly become heterosexual again.
Nope. Still bi. Still queer. Still think boobs and vaginas are hot.
6. Anyone you talk to now becomes a threat to your significant other if you’re in a relationship.
I don’t really tolerate jealous and controlling behavior from anyone of any gender because if it happens repeatedly it becomes abusive. But, in the past when I was dating a guy, he became so upset when I told him I was bi, because he could no longer justify his controlling behavior with regard to my guy friends under the assumption that they could be potential romantic interests of mine. In other words, if he was going to get upset about me hanging out with a guy friend, he would also have to get upset about me hanging out with a girl friend. In the end, he just couldn’t really wrap his mind around my sexuality. He never did manage to just trust me. Needless to say, I’m not dating him anymore.
7. Straight girls are afraid that, just because you’re bi, you want to have sex with them.
Just because I am bi, doesn’t mean that I am attracted and trying to bone every single girl on the earth. Calm down. Don’t flatter yourself.
8. Men don’t understand how you have sex with women.
I have run into a very alarming amount of men who don’t seem to understand that women can have sex with each other. Or, who think scissoring is a real thing (it’s not…fyi nobody bi, straight, or lesbian scissors). These men are also probably very terrible at going down on their partners, since it apparently, doesn’t occur to them that this is how queer girls have sex (among many other methods). The understanding that penis in vagina sex is the only real sex is just completely outlandish, when most women can only orgasm from clitoral stimulation. At any rate, I don’t wish these type of men upon any woman.
9. When you’re dating a girl and go to the gynecologist, she asks you if you’re using condoms and birth control.
I’m using the best kind of birth control. Gay sex.
10. You and your boyfriend have the same taste in women.
Hey, at least you both can’t get mad at each other for checking them out!