Although I’m a self-proclaimed beach bum and hope to move somewhere warm immediately upon graduation, I also have this slight problem where I sweat – a lot. I know you probably think you sweat a lot too, but let me level with you. I have been called out multiple times by friends, family, random gym attendants, etc, to let me know how much I sweat. Once I was returning to my apartment building after the gym, and a neighbor asked me if it was raining (I can’t make this shit up). Now that it finally seems to be getting warmer, I found it appropriate to highlight the lovely struggles that people like me face:
1. You choose outfits based on what you will sweat the least in
Although putting together cute outfits is one of my favorite activities, there’s a certain point where layering is really not an option for me. I don’t care if I look like I’m trying to get laid at 12 pm on a Tuesday, at least I don’t have under-boob sweat stains (yet).
2. Your boobs become your worst enemy
Your “cleavage” basically becomes a valley to store all of your sweat in. Bras are not an option once May rolls around, and backless tops are your best friend. When you saw that they sell “boob deodorant,” you actually considered purchasing it.
3. A 5 minute walk to class makes it look like you just ran a marathon
Maybe if you leave your backpack on all of class it will hide your back-sweat? Or will that just make you more sweaty?
4. And an actual gym session makes it look like you just jumped in the pool
Just save yourself the trouble and bring your own towel from home with you, since you know the tiny gym towels are going to be drenched by the time you’re done on the treadmill. Not to mention that your headphones start to slip out of your ears because of all the sweat dripping..
5. You are horrified when a dude asks you on an “outdoor” date
While you admire his creativity, what the hell are you supposed to wear to a tennis match when it’s 80 degrees outside? All you can do is pray that he thinks you look sexy when you sweat…
6. You strip your clothes off as soon as you get home from class/work/etc
Kind of like how some people change from jeans to sweats when they return home from work… except you change from a flowy dress into your birthday suit (and stand directly in front of your AC unit).
7. And you sometimes have to change mid-day
I wish I was kidding when I say that there are times I had to change my outfit mid-day because my top was too sweaty to possibly wear out again. Or, if you’re lucky enough to have your own washing machine/dryer- you can do that before you go back out (I have also done this).
8. Not showering before you go out is not an option
Unless smelling like B.O. and having hair that sticks to your neck is some kind of new trend, there’s no way you feel comfortable going straight from your daily activities to a night out.
9. You have to dry your gym clothes after a work-out
Because tossing soaking wet sports bras into your laundry bin is going to stink up your whole room- not to mention the possibility of mildew… gross.
10. Sex in the summer? Better take a shower after..
If you think sex is hot, try doing it in a parked car in the middle of summer, or better yet, date a college guy who doesn’t have AC in his apartment, both are equally great! By great, I mean the feeling of dripping sweat on top of the guy you’re riding, and ending the love-making sesh with a full head of wet hair.