Hi Tinderella,
I just discovered your blog. I met this lovely man from POF in November last year and we have been on 4 dates so far. I deleted the app after I met him. He always shows me an amazing time and is very nice and kind to me but he is extremely busy and can’t find time to see me as often as I would like – he keeps saying he really likes me, but I don’t believe it because he is always late at replying to my messages and promises to give me a call but always forgets.
I told him I will not be seeing him again but he pleaded to get me to keep seeing him, although he says he is not ready for a relationship. I went back on POF after a very long time and I saw his profile saying he is seeking a relationship.
I can not understand what he wants, he wont let me stop seeing him he says he likes me a lot but then he still has a profile saying he is seeking a relationship even though tells me he is not ready to commit to a relationship.
What is his deal?
Thanks C
Hi C… I’m not sure if you’re going to like what I’m about to say but I feel that this situation calls from some tough love (it’s all love, really – I just want to see you have dating success).
Ok so firstly, the holy rule of online dating is that you NEVER delete the app for somebody (/stop looking) unless you are sure that the two of you are exclusive. It’s just the way of modern dating to presume someone is dating more than one person until you’ve had ‘the chat’. Whether or not this is always true, it’s the savviest mentality to adopt at the beginning and it will stop you from diving in head first to something that may not be as committed as you thought.
I’m also concerned that you have only had 4 dates over 7 months… whatever his excuses may be, this is clearly not somebody who is prioritizing you in any way. I find it extremely hard to believe that he has had ZERO free time in 7 months. Even the President finds time for a date night (probably).
Obviously, the fact that he’s still on POF suggests that he’s not in the same place as you are. I hate to say this, because I know this will upset you, but he is more than likely dating other women.
At some point in our lives, we all learn the hard way that when somebody tells you they are ‘not ready for a relationship’, they are telling you that they are ‘not interested in a relationship with you’. When it’s right, it’s right. This situation doesn’t sound like it’s right – you aren’t getting what you want, or being treated in the way that every girl deserves.
I highly recommend that you forget about this guy… I don’t think it’s worth playing games at this stage because the message loud and clear is that he just isn’t that into you. It’s a shitty feeling, but the best way to get over it is to get out there and starting dating new men who will treat you better.
With the next guy, try not to get too infatuated too quickly… I know it’s hard to keep your guard up when you really feel a connection with someone, but this will help you so much with future men. It will also help you to read the signs that a guy just isn’t feeling it like you are.
Good luck with your future POF adventures!
Tinderella xx