I know when you first open your eyes as a babe everything is new, too new. It feels as if your skin held all the nerve endings in your body; absorbing the light, feeling a cotton blanket for the first time, hearing laughter and cries thinking it may even be the same…thing. Then your body requires nourishment and you don’t know anything other than – you need it. You never stop needing these bare necessities.
It’s intrinsic and vital—without these needs being taken care of, you’re not taking care. But we don’t figure that out on our own; in fact, most of what we do figure out isn’t on our own. Remember that time when we were about 5-6 years old, hanging out in those gregariously big monkey bars where the whole world could look upside down? Well, that never really changed for me. Yet, I must admit the times in which my world flipped over and I was suddenly comfortable living in that up-right picture for a moment, were the times in which my mom made living in this world bearable. And even during those royal moments as a child growing up, I still knew I wasn’t ready to do this alone.
Later on, I felt I couldn’t possibly bear all the gravity hinging my very important and very confusing middle school life. How was I expected to handle all this studying and still make friends and getting away with classroom setting comedy? How was I expected to smile while making sure I get those As, respecting the adults without looking like a pussy to the cool kids, having a boyfriend, being invited to Sunset Place at 5:45….without parent chaperones??? All this, I’m supposed to do my school work, have friends, and be happy? What kind of human can handle all that? I just want to stay in my room, read The Outsiders, listen to Eminem and cry. The whole world can do the rest. And, evidently so, the whole world is doing the rest.
While we were waking up, putting on our uniform and waiting for breakfast to be served, Mom had already been up for 2 hours: setting up our uniform, making our bed, making sure Cartoon Network is on, organizing our school books, making sure we had the right school books on the right day, sharpening our pencils or making sure those gel pens are still writing properly, cooking the best and most delicious breakfast sandwich in the world, braiding our hair or clipping that one piece of layer back that we “accidentally” cut, picking the right fights when we bitch about the toast being too toasted, and waking up our sister so she won’t make us late again and do it all over again. The way I see it is, that Mom over here is the one making sure the rest of the world is still moving along with time. Certainly not me and not my sister. I see this now, but then I had no idea what was even going on before 8:30 AM.
Alright, after a certain age, yeah, Mom does stop making your bed, picking out your uniform, doing your hair…but she will never stop making sure you’re on time, cooking your favorite breakfast sandwich, showing you her version of the coolest hairdo, and picking the right fights when you bitch about your boss instead of your teacher. Mom’s just don’t know or want it any other way, there is a certain reciprocal adaption that naturally plays out between a mother and child. Most people don’t even recognize the progression of this spiritual bond—in fact, this may very well be the longest, hardest and most intense relationship you’ll ever have in your life. Because every mother gives away part of themselves so you can regain the parts you’ve lost along the way of growing up. This is their nature, this is their kingdom.
Because we all know that on those high school mournings, we were departing for a prison on a mote, not a kingdom. Especially the days that we pulled all-nighters, graced by procrastination and semi-secret instant messaging, because we all know, too, that everyone secretly wants their secrets out in high school. Otherwise, what else would you do if your life was not going completely hellish and wrong? Right, never mind, it must just be us from the Doom Generation. God forbid listening to your mom’s late night advice to get some sleep and do your work on time. In fact, God forbid everything your mom suggests because clearly it won’t get better, you won’t be able to do what you love, you won’t be able to be who you are, and lastly, loving yourself? Hell, let alone anyone else, that will simply not happen. Please, do catch my sardonic drift here.
So here’s to you, to the arguments we’ve had, the tears we’ve shed, the laughs we’ve let out, the pain we’ve endured, the triumphs we’ve conquered and to the rest of whatever the hell life you call this, because it sure is one hell of a life thanks to you. Mom, this is for you, this is because you have given me more love and support I ever even thought inhabited this world. This is for you because without you, those dark nights would’ve never reached dawn, those hazy days would’ve never cleared up, and this love and utter crave for life would simply have not arisen if it weren’t for you.
This is to all those mothers, hurt and beat from their kids, but undeniably resilient to their rebellion and irrevocably committed to their love. This is to all the mothers who have raging love in their guts for their kids, who have prayed without believing and believed without knowing or seeing, who are here for the love of their child and nothing more. This is for you, Mom; for you because even with all your idiosyncrasies and flaws and opinions that I thought I never wanted to hear, I still need you 20 years later. Even for those who are with us, but in spirit, we still need you too—because we know that the bond between a mother and child, well…there’s nothing quite like it.
Once again, here’s to you Mom. Here’s to you here-ing to us every day of your life. So today, let us cheer for you.
In case you don’t know where to start thanking her for, let me remind you a few times she’s been the most bad-ass woman around:
Standing Up For Yourself
That time she made you stand up for what you believed in, even if it was an uncool or strange belief…now you’re that much more strong and that much more cool for being bad ass since the age of 12.
Encouraging You
How about that time she encouraged you to try out an interest of yours, even if she had to sacrifice her yoga classes for your horseback riding ones.
Not Giving Up
What about when she didn’t let you quit because things got too hard? You know, when she told you “don’t give up, mi benji, please.”
Showing You What Strength Is
Or that time she didn’t shed one tear when the school called about your expulsion and fought for you, until the very end.
Helping You Out
And lets not forget all the times she let you skip school for a fever when we both knew you weren’t sick at all.
Believing In You
Or didn’t let you settle for the mediocre and pushed you when she saw you were being anything less than a first rate version of yourself.
Letting You Be You
How about calling you out on your high school phases but helping you dye your hair blue.
Life
Finally, even if none of these apply, then just thank her for giving you one hell of a life worth living for. Because without our moms we’d have no direction home.
