In my 21 years of life, I have accepted that nobody is perfect. Everybody has their own flaws and it’s what makes them unique and beautiful to the person that chooses to love them.
However, there are a couple qualities that girls “need” to have in a potential lover. Maybe we can accept that you’ll never have Channing Tatum’s Body, but we at least want you to hold the door open for us. It’s okay that you don’t have your own private jet, but you need to be faithful.
If I had to choose two things that are high- up on my imaginary “list” of qualities for a dude, it’s that I want him to be a “nice guy” (at least, to me), but I want him to be kind of mean in bed.
Growing up, I assumed that all guys wanted to tie a hot chick up and have her at their mercy, but the older I got, the more I realized that this wasn’t true. Many guys like when a girl takes control, and many guys also don’t really “give it rough” unless you count the minute before he’s about to cum.
So, is there a certain type of guy that makes love like Christian Grey?
Maybe it’s because I’m still a mere 21 years young and guys my age don’t care what’s going on in bed as long as they’re getting their nut, but it seems that the only guys I can find that are dominant are the same types of guys who are douche-y, conceited, or condescending.
In a 2013 study done in the Netherlands, it was found that among BDSM practitioners, 48% of males consider themselves Dominants. Although you would expect most men to be doms, this is still only 48% of the population that are into BDSM to begin with, and that’s really not that huge of a number.
Furthermore in the study, it was found that dominants are much less agreeable than subs, switches, as well as the control group. While this does make sense, it’s also been theorized that people choose their roles in the bedroom to contrast with their daily role in life. This study argues that this is not the case for the dominant role.
While researching further, I found that there are countless forums with girls wondering how they can find a “compatible” partner that is a sweetheart, but pushes them around and calls them names in bed. So do these types of guys exist? Or are we forever doomed to deal with an asshole to get what we want in bed?
Many responders in these blogs suggest turning to dating sites where you can answer questions about your sexual preferences in detail prior to being matched with someone, therefore avoiding having to have an awkward talk (or worse, finding out while in bed).
So, do we have to give up sexual needs for practical needs? Can lust and love not be found in one person for submissive ladies like us? Do we have a future of being a loving wife by day and masturbating to gang-rape porn by night?
Granted, if you ask your partner to tie you up, call you names, or smack you around, he probably won’t outright deny you (although it might take some serious convincing). But, when it comes down to it, a guy being dominant because you asked him to is never really the same thing, is it?
Have you found a guy that’s Prince Charming by day and Christian Grey by night? Email ashley@galoremag.com and tell us about your experience!
