Look, here at Galore we like to encourage and empower you to, in general, and as long as you’re not hurting anyone, do what you want. Especially when it comes to all things sex. Nothing screams boss b*tch like listening to your own desires and acting on them. But like everything in life, there are times, and more to the point, there are places. Sure, it’s edgy and hot to have sex in unexpected places, but that’s just not the case with the following. If you ever catch yourself thinking about doing it in these twenty places, for the good of all humanity, just don’t.
1. In a subway station. (Remember this couple?)
2. In your parents’ bedroom.
3. In a gas station bathroom (SO many bacteria).
4. On the beach. (Yeah, we know ‘sex on the beach’ is a thing, but WHY exactly is it when all that can happen is a lot of sand and salt water, and possibly jagged shell bits in very delicate places. Don’t do it!)
5. In a tent with other people besides you and your partner in it. (Be considerate, okay?)
6. In school. (If you’re in high school and you’re thinking it is a good idea to sneak to a secluded area, like say, the baseball field bathroom, and do the nasty, I’m here to tell you it’s not).
7. At a rest stop on the side of the highway (AKA Serial killer central).
8. The stacks in your University’s library (this was ‘a thing‘ where I went to college. It seemed nobody actually used the stacks to check out books, it was just where sleep deprived and unshowered college kids had sex because they literally never left the library).
9. Your shared dorm bathroom shower.
10. Your grandparents’ house.
11. In a pool. (Remember when we told you shower sex isn’t that great because water dries you out? Now think about chlorine and whatever other chemicals are in a pool getting in your vagina. Yeah, not so good).
12. On a balcony (These two students died doing it).
13. On top of a table at a restaurant (I wouldn’t be telling you not to, if it hadn’t already happened, in–you guessed it–Florida).
14. At the office (This is the worst. idea. ever. And, if you do it be prepared to get fired).
15. A movie theater.
16. In the ocean (UM Jellyfish stings in unfortunate places? Salt water up your vajayjay? Fish poop and pee in the water? ALL of these things should deter you).
17. In a port-a-pottie (You can get all sorts of infections doing this).
18. In a bus bathroom.
19. A rooftop (I’ve been on a lot of precarious roof tops in NYC that were fine to look at the skyline, but are way too dangerous to be having sex on. See: couple who had sex on balcony again).
20. A fire escape (this should be obvious, by now).