1. A Public Park…After Dark
Sure it seemed romantic at the time, until you get caught by a “park cop” and fined $75 for trespassing.
2. “The Club”
Groping each other on the dance floor does not a date make. Sorry.
3. Your Local Dive Bar
Ambiance: the scent of piss and cigarettes and all the terrible people you never wanted to run into after you graduated–all in one place!
4. A Magic The Gathering Tournament
You’ll see a lot of dudes who haven’t washed their hair in two weeks and way too much butt cracks. You’ll also wonder what the hell you did to deserve this fate.
5. A Slam Poetry Reading
Yeah it sounds cool and artsy and “deep”…in theory. But in reality you’ll be surrounded by a bunch of overshare, and the conversation you have after will probably be awkward and tense as the both of you try to contend with all the feelings that were just word vomited in your general direction.
6. A Yoga/Spin Class
Sure your date will love watching you sweat it out in your yoga pants or running shorts (what better place than to show off your atheleisure looks) but if they aren’t as much as a fitness buff as you are, they’ll hate you for the rest of eternity for dragging them into an exercise class and making them look like a fool. Trust me, I’ve done it. My relationship never recovered.
7. Primitive Camping
Let’s have some alone time in nature under the stars. Yeah, okay. All well and good until you have to figure out where the best place to take a sh*t is where your partner won’t be in ear (or smelling) distance of your poop.
8. Canoeing
I don’t know why people insist on canoeing. Canoeing is HARD, if we’re going to be taking a boat out on the water at least make it a sail boat– that someone else is sailing.
9. A Strip Club
Really? Just no. Absolutely not.
10. A Birthday Party
You know none of the people there including the person whose birth is being celebrated. It’s awkward as hell and everyone will look at you and whisper to their friends “Who is she?”
11. A College Football Game
Way, way, way too many underage drunk students for this to be any fun whatsoever. Unless you’re getting wasted with them, and remember, this is a date so you probably shouldn’t be doing that?
12. A Family Reunion
As if meeting your partner’s immediate family wasn’t enough of a hard attack inducing scenario, let’s add the whole extended group of aunties, uncles, cousins, and yeah, even nieces and nephews. Good luck!
13. Comic Con
Yeah sure, if you both are nerds or otaku this will be a fun experience. But it’s not a date, and don’t treat it that way. Unless hentai panels turn you on.