I’ll admit, I was a bit skeptical when I first saw Simple Pickup’s “Porn Stars Give Blowjob Tips To Women” video (especially since it was mostly shared on site’s like TFM and Bro Bible). However, after watching the video myself I am pleased to say that it was chock-full (no pun intended) of valuable information. However, if you don’t want to watch this video on your work computer, or would rather not have to listen to the horrible elevator music, I have highlighted the most important points (and added commentary, of course).
1. “If a guy eats nothing but fast food, do not let them cum in your mouth.”
We’ve all heard of the pineapple trick. If you see a dude shoving an entire can of Dole pineapples in his mouth during every lunch break, it’s probably because he has a girlfriend that doesn’t like to swallow. However, it’s not that you necessarily need to eat pineapple, you just need to make sure that your dude doesn’t have the diet of a fifty year old trucker. Not only is it sad if your man thinks Burger King is an excuse for protein, it means his jizz is going to taste like sh*t.
2. “You wanna make love to the cock in your mouth…you don’t want to be like, ‘I’m bored.'”
Okay, this might seem a little extra to you. I mean c’mon, make love to a cock? However, let’s look at this from the opposite perspective. If a guy is eating your pussy, do you want him to look like he’s eating the best f*cking cherry pie he’s ever tasted? Or the wilted broccoli that’s been in his fridge for five days? Exactly. If you had to rate someone on their head-giving ability, enthusiasm would be an entire category. There’s a reason that people that are good at giving head are the ones that love doing it the most.
3. “Don’t bite his dick off.”
Correction– don’t bite his dick off if you like him. If you found out he f*cked your worst enemy behind your back and lied about it? Go right ahead, sweetie.
4. “Get it sloppy, guys like it sloppy.”
Does it really surprise you that guys like it sloppy? Take a look at his bedroom, his outfit choice, and his damn life– everything is sloppy! Take everything you learned about eating properly in cotillion class and do the exact opposite on his dick. If your boyfriend ever wanted to see you hawk a loogie, it’s going to be during a blowjob.
5. “If you do something…and their eyes start rolling back, then keep doing whatever it is that you’re doing.”
There are a lot of precious moments you can have with a guy. Maybe one day he’ll say the “L” word, maybe one day he’ll propose, but do you know what that first beautiful moment is? When you do that crazy thing with your tongue on his balls and he says “holy f*ck” and makes that face where he is literally doing everything in his willpower to not bust a nut on your face.
6 “You can destroy any dick if you apply yourself.”
This should be your mantra when you wake up every morning. You know when your yoga instructor tells you to meditate during your Shavasana? Yeah, just repeat this is your head. I have faith in you, and so does the rest of womankind. Now, go out there and destroy some dick!
This post, 6 Important Porn Star Blowjob Tips, by Ashley Uzer, appeared first on Galore.