I would never want to discourage guys from giving head. After all, there’s always room for more dudes to reciprocate these days, since it still seems that more girls give blow jobs than dudes eat box.
But sometimes, a guy is down there doing such a bad job that you don’t even know what to do. Do you pull his head back up and tell him you just want to fuck? Do you try to instruct him as to where your clit is? Do you tell him that practice makes perfect and he’s going to have to be down there a while?
These are the 10 thoughts you have while getting bad head.
1. He’s probably just warming up.
Yeah, it’s like when you start giving a blow job and you begin by going real slowly. That’s probably what he’s doing. It’ll totally get better as he keeps going, wait, wait, where is he going? That’s not my pussy…
2. It kind of feels good…
If you keep imagining Leo DiCaprio’s face in your head while replaying that really hot bondage porn you watched last week, you’re kind of starting to feel something right?
3. Maybe if I maneuver a little bit…
Kind of like the ladies’ version of face-fucking, you can always grab the dudes head and start moving him towards the appropriate area, or push his face in if he’s being too gentle. You also may find yourself opening and closing your legs to see if either position helps his motions feel better on your lady parts.
4. What’s the appropriate time to cut him off?
Okay, this isn’t getting any better. Is it rude to just tell him to stop trying? Or will he be happy that I saved him from his endless mission in trying to make me cum by eating my pussy like a Subway sandwich?
5. I’ll just wait a little longer…
Did I ever receive that red dress I ordered from Nasty Gal? It’s been like six days, right? No, I think it’s only been four… damn, I would’ve worn that out tomorrow night. Ugh, what am I going to wear tonight now? Oh, better fake a moan right now before he realizes I’m not paying any attention to his fruitless efforts.
6. Did I cum? Are you serious?
No, you fucking idiot, I didn’t cum. What part of that was supposed to be enjoyable for me? Instead of giving you my number I’m going to give you a print-out map of the human vagina, there’s this thing called the clitoris you should know about.
7. Do I even want to fuck him now?
In a normal hook-up, this would probably progress to some sex, but I honestly am not even turned on anymore by that horrendous excuse for eating out.
8. Ugh, might as well…
Maybe his dick game is less whack than his head game? A girl can only hope…
9. This was a mistake
Did I take this kid’s virginity or something? This isn’t fucking whack-a-mole.
10. Please GTFO
This is why I have a vibrator, that I prefer to use alone.
This post, 10 Thoughts You Have While Getting Bad Head, by Delilah James, appeared first on Galore.