Last week I took a stab at investigative journalism and a break from my regular Thursday night routine of white wine and Sex and the City reruns to venture out on my first Tinder date. I don’t think I’m going to surprise anyone when I say that it was pretty f*@king weird. Here are my five tips at analyzing a Tinder profile to make sure that you don’t.
By Jessie Kohlman
1) Persistence is never key. Obviously, because I’m a normal human and have a life, I am not checking this thing every hour of everyday. And you probably don’t want to go on a date with someone that is. You wouldn’t double text someone unless you were drunk or obsessed with them so stay clear of the Tinder message equivalent.
2) Anyone that messages you after 12 AM is just looking for a booty call. This isn’t a hard one guys. If you’re on your phone at this hour you might be bored or lonely or drunk, but you’re definitely not looking to buy a girl flowers and take her on a date. So unless you’re just looking for a one night stand, this isn’t the one for you. But if you are, go ahead do you and get yours. Respect.
3) A dude that only has one photo is most likely not the dude in that photo. Either that or he has only ever looked good in one photo ever. Neither of these bode well for his actual appearance. Sorry to be a superficial bitch, but we’re talking about Tinder here people.
4) If you come across a profile with an extensive About Me section, this is a bad sign. Especially if their About Me is in list format or is an inspirational quote. Or them trying to be funny. Really there’s never anything not annoying that someone can put here.
5) Anyone that tries to use a smooth pick-up line as a conversation opener probably isn’t that smooth. I’m actually not sure if there has ever been pick-up line that’s smooth, but Tinder messaging is full of guys giving them a try. If the person you’re chatting with has to put that much thought into just saying what’s up, they probably aren’t that tight.
