Some guys complain that they never get laid, while other guys are claiming that they slay pussy every single night. Whether you’re a picky guy or the type to take home anything with a vagina, there are a couple simple things guys do that stop them from getting their D wet. I can’t understand if guys are just clueless, or sincerely forget that girls actually have standards. But either way, if you’re reading this, it’s probably too late.
1. Not Bringing Condoms
I’m sincerely confused about this one, are guys going all Benjamin Button on us? Because I’m pretty sure as soon as they produced semen, dudes were walking around with condoms in their back pockets. And yet, guys my age seem to “forget” them. But while I figured guys are hoping that chicks will let them hit it raw dog, my guy friend had another take on this: He claims that “guys feel like they’re jinxing themselves by bringing a condom out.” Okay, fine dudes. But if you’re not going to bring a condom, you’re still not going to get it in. So it’s really just a lose lose.
2. Not Shaving Their Pubes
Do guys think that we are so into them that we don’t care if their penis is covered in a ridiculous amount of hair? Because they’re wrong. If we’re all taking the time to shave our pussy clean, they can at least do some trimming.
3. Pushing A Girl’s Head Down
Girls are stubborn creatures. If we were planning on giving you head and you push our head down, we might change our mind. Just chill the fuck out dude, you’ll get your dick sucked… eventually.
4. Only Sending Texts Past Midnight
Unless you are a god, you need to put a little more effort in. We’re not stupid enough to think you want to date us, but at least try a little harder. To the dudes who consistently text me every weekend at 2 am and no other time, you’re going to keep on getting ignored.
5. Drinking Too Much
Two words: Whiskey Dick. It’s really not fun for anyone if your weiner is getting soft mid-sex, not to mention, no girl wants to give a blowjob for eternity. Even if your dick is facing up to the challenge of your 9 whiskey-cokes, nobody likes a sloppy hook-up.
6. Trying To Make You Jealous
Okay, we all know there have been those times where a guy hits on you and you don’t think he’s hot until you realize that all of your friends do. But at the same time, when guys pull the whole “talking to another girl in front of you” thing, it just makes him look like a dick (a dick that you don’t want in your mouth).
7. Talking Big Game
If you’re talking shit around campus about how hard you’re going to fuck us, you can bet your ass that we’ve heard about it. You can also bet your ass that your fantasy is going to stay in your head.