The modern world has afforded us all with highly innovative solutions to life’s problems we could not have even fathomed solving. Take, for instance, this coffee maker alarm clock which is going to put an end to our collective habit of hitting the snooze button until there’s no way you’re getting to work on time. Or this magical wine ice cream that makes getting over your break up all the more efficient by combining the two things women desperately seek out when we want to drown ourselves in our own tears and self pity.
We live in the age of “there’s an app for that”. If you have a problem, someone out there in the wide world of “creatives,” tech start ups, and purveyors of the life hack ethos are ready at the helm to provide you with the fix you need.
But, there’s one problem that many even the most resourceful, product savvy, in the know women have struggled with. Hell, we even watched as Samantha suffered through it on Sex and the City. It’s a misery that can’t quite be verbalized so let’s just cut to the chase: your boyfriend has a small dick. And there’s certainly not an app for that. Or is there?
Well, I wouldn’t be writing this if I couldn’t provide you with some guidance. First of all, it’s important to remember that size isn’t everything. I mean, really, being stabbed in the uterus with a huge sword-like fleshy appendage isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. And then there’s the fact that men with larger dicks sometimes take their size for granted, thinking that the sheer mass of their penis will bring you to climax. This couldn’t be more untrue (see above re: huge sword-like fleshy appendage).
Men who are less well endowed might be more likely to actually make an effort to please you. Or you know, at the very least go down on you. But, if you absolutely cannot get over the lack of large d in your life, there’s always this somewhat terrifying, somewhat genius invention–I present to you the penis extension.
Apparently these apparatuses are used frequently in porn to foster the illusion that the majority of men in the world possess a 10 inch phallus that swings precariously between their loins a la Kevin Hart’s “You Gon Learn Today” skit. Basically, this thing slips over your dude’s actual dick and replaces his less than stellar three incher with a massive ding dang. Just like that! Insta porn peen, and all it costs is a cool $39.95!
The jury is still out on how this actually allows your boyfriend to receive any sort of pleasure out of the sexual encounter, seeing as his d will be lodged in a silicone shaft as opposed to your vagina, but hey– at least you’re getting what you need.
So there you have it, the solution to all of your tiny dick problems. Of course, I don’t really have any advice for how to convince your boyfriend to actually use one of these– or how to broach the topic in a way that won’t emotionally scar him for the rest of his life. But, I can’t solve all your problems.
This post, So Your Boyfriend Has a Tiny D, by Victoria Durden, appeared first on Galore.