We talked to New York based singer songwriter Nakaya, who just released a gorgeous music video for her new hypnotic single “Lose It Too.”  In our latest episode of Girlcult, Nakaya talks about being outed online and what it’s like to be a queer woman of color in the alt folk genre.

Watch her latest music video “Lose It Too” here

We’ve all done the whole pouring wine into a Starbucks cup or water bottle in attempts to sneakily drink on the beach, at a tailgate, or whatever. You do what you gotta do. But you have to admit it feels pretty sleazy.

Thankfully, there are tons of new canned alcoholic beverages that look more like energy drinks than booze, and you can casually sip on them in front of clueless popo without them knowing. Plus you can avoid no glass on the beach laws.

Here are some of our favorites that you should definitely try to get your hands on this weekend for your BBQ or beach blackout.

1. Ruza

Have rosé all day with Ruza. These cute little white cans will match perfectly with your white-hot bikini, and will make a great Instagram shot. Just remember that just because rosé is supposed to be classy doesn’t mean you have to be.

2. Spiked Seltzers

Okay, so these are a little less discreet considering that it explicitly says “spiked seltzer” on the can, but there will be so many passed out frat boys on the beach that nobody will pay attention to you sipping on your Cape Cod Cranberry drank.

3. The Infinite Monkey Theorem Carbonated White Wine

Alright, disregarding this unnecessarily long name, these cans (available in red or white) look like an energy drink that some Jersey Shore boy would drink rather than wine.

4. Flasq

For those of you that don’t want no little bitch cans, FLASQ wines give you a little more bang for your buck. Plus, the twist tops mean that you can drink it on the go (or in the back of your surfer bae’s topless jeep) without worrying about spilling it on your new Minimale Animale bikini.

5. Underwood Wine

Underwood wine has three flavors so that you can choose wisely which wine you’ll be drinking through your boyfriend’s beer bong at noon, what’s not to love?

6.Coco Vodka

Okay, vodka and coconut water in a can?! With Pineapple and Guava flavors? This has got to be every basic bitch and Instagram girl’s wet dream or something.

7. Friends Coffee Wine

You know those mornings where you wake up hungover and have no desire to drink? With Friends coffee wine, you officially have no excuse. Admittedly, these cans aren’t exactly discreet, but who the fuck cares when you can have your favorite morning and evening beverages at once? Unfortunately, this beverage doesn’t actually contain coffee or caffeine, it’s just “coffee flavored,” but maybe it can work as a placebo?

8. GT’s Gin and Tonics

If you’re a gin and tonic type of girl, GT’s are for you. Again, the packaging looks like some 90’s energy drink that Arnold Schwarzenegger would drink, so you’re in the clear.

9. Pampelonne

If you’re the type of chick who rocks Lilly Pulitzer bikinis, we’ve found the perfect wine for you (and your matchy-matchy selfie for Snapchat). Also, Rosé Lime sounds really fucking refreshing.

Kendall Jenner has officially joined her sisters Kylie, Kourtney, Khloé, and Kim in the game of real estate. Yup, the 20-year-old supermodel recently purchased a $6.5 million West Hollywood mansion from John Krasinski and Emily Blunt. And holy shit – it’s beautiful.

At 4800 square feet, the three-story home sits directly above the legendary Chateau Marmont hotel and comes complete with six bedrooms, four-and-a-half bathrooms, a roof deck, an exercise and massage room, a walk-in closet off the master suite, and a pool.

The is quite the upgrade from Jenner’s current two-bedroom, two-and-a-half bathroom condo in Westwood, which she purchased for $1.4 million in 2014. Kendall signed the final docs Wednesday in New York City, but the deal officially closed earlier this morning. Take a look inside Kendall’s swanky new pad below.

COURTESY OF SOTHEBY’S INTERNATIONAL REALTY

COURTESY OF SOTHEBY’S INTERNATIONAL REALTY

COURTESY OF SOTHEBY’S INTERNATIONAL REALTY

COURTESY OF SOTHEBY’S INTERNATIONAL REALTY

COURTESY OF SOTHEBY’S INTERNATIONAL REALTY

COURTESY OF SOTHEBY’S INTERNATIONAL REALTY

COURTESY OF SOTHEBY’S INTERNATIONAL REALTY

COURTESY OF SOTHEBY’S INTERNATIONAL REALTY

COURTESY OF SOTHEBY’S INTERNATIONAL REALTY

COURTESY OF SOTHEBY’S INTERNATIONAL REALTY

COURTESY OF SOTHEBY’S INTERNATIONAL REALTY

COURTESY OF SOTHEBY’S INTERNATIONAL REALTY

COURTESY OF SOTHEBY’S INTERNATIONAL REALTY

COURTESY OF SOTHEBY’S INTERNATIONAL REALTY

COURTESY OF SOTHEBY’S INTERNATIONAL REALTY

COURTESY OF SOTHEBY’S INTERNATIONAL REALTY

COURTESY OF SOTHEBY’S INTERNATIONAL REALTY

COURTESY OF SOTHEBY’S INTERNATIONAL REALTY

COURTESY OF SOTHEBY’S INTERNATIONAL REALTY

COURTESY OF SOTHEBY’S INTERNATIONAL REALTY

COURTESY OF SOTHEBY’S INTERNATIONAL REALTY

Blake Lively, best known for her time as Gossip Girl Serena Van Der Woodsen and as a castmember of Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants, has surprised lots of people by starring in a movie that got pretty decent reviews.

The Shallows is a B-movie that features Blake battling sharks in a bikini. The whole thing is a one-woman show, which Blake apparently rises to the occasion for.

“This isn’t Jaws,”  Time Magazine writes. “There’s no larger dimension here, no elemental poetry. But it’s taken some shrewd calculation to realize that Lively, with her beachy glow and thrust-out chin, could carry this thing. The movie requires this particular star, body and soul, and Lively’s confidence turns it into a piece of pop empowerment, even when realism starts slipping away in the final stretches.”

The actress recently was the source of some controversy after Instagramming a photo of herself at Cannes, with the caption, “L.A face with an Oakland booty”—a Sir Mix-A-Lot quote, many of you may remember from the classic, “I Like Big Butts.” People didn’t like that, because they felt she was appropriating black culture.

But now that Blake’s doing well at the box office, all of this controversy could be forgotten about. And now I know what I’m doing this weekend! Watch the trailer for The Shallows below.

The transgender bathroom debate has been going on for quite some time now, but so have many other trans issues that have also been brought to the governments attention, such as transgender people serving in the military.

While Obama supported LGBT rights by overturning “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” in 2011, there still hadn’t been any laws for trans men and women in the military up until now.

On June 30th, the Secretary of Defense, Ashton B. Carter, announced that the Pentagon will be lifting the ban on transgender people serving our country, which will be effective immediately.

Although there are currently a reported 2,500 trans people serving in the military currently, according to RAND; it’s very likely that there is a much larger number who are fearful of reporting their status.

The main issue the new law addresses is that the trans people who are currently serving our country aren’t receiving appropriate medical services for their conditions. The military promises their troops that all necessary medical attention will be free of charge, but this hasn’t been the case for trans officers who are currently enrolled.

In his speech, Carter explains that “right now, most of our transgender service members must go outside the military medical system in order to obtain medical care that is judged by doctors to be necessary, and they have to pay for it out of their own pockets.”

We’re happy to see that the US government isn’t completely inefficient, and that they’ve lifted the ban in order to give trans troops the care that they are entitled to.

While there’s still a long way to go for LGBT rights, the Obama administration has allowed things to move in the right direction, and celebrities like Laverne Cox and Caitlyn Jenner have brought trans issues into the spotlight. This news is the perfect way to cap off Pride week, and an even more awesome reason to celebrate our country’s independence this weekend.

You can view the livestream of Carter’s speech here.

The FDA doesn’t want anybody to eat cookie dough, ever again. What the fuck, right? Apparently, a recent outbreak of e.Coli is ruining the fun for everyone, and the FDA wants you to know that the flour in raw cookie dough can cause people to get very sick.

General Mills recently recalled 10 million pounds of flour from three brands, Gold Medal, Signature Kitchen’s, and Gold Medal Wondra. “Dozens of people across the country have been sickened by a strain of bacteria called Shiga toxin-producing E. coli O121,” according to the FDA’s website.

38 people across 2o states, to be exact, the New York Times reports. A few have been hospitalized, but nobody has died of cookie dough. Yet.

While I thought the cookie dough trigger word was “salmonella,” I had it all wrong. The real culprit is flour.

“Flour is derived from a grain that comes directly from the field and typically is not treated to kill bacteria,” said Leslie Smoot, Ph.D., a senior advisor in FDA’s Office of Food Safety.

Oh, and stay away from homemade cookie dough ice cream as well, apparently. If any of you were planning on finding a loophole that way. No more of this, ever:

Bucket hats aren’t just summer’s hottest throwback accessory, they’re also one of the most divisive subjects in contemporary fashion.  Some people love them:

While others, like Kim Kardashian, hate them:

No matter what your opinion, we can all agree on one thing: unless you’re Rihanna, and can miraculously pull off everything because you’re a fashion goddess, chances are that you look silly in a bucket hat.  But don’t worry, you’re not alone. Celebrities look silly in bucket hats too, and here’s proof:

Kanye West, rockin’ a floppy, wrinkled hat his wife would definitely NOT approve of:

Justin Bieber, looking like a tool:

Chris Brown actually wore this in one of his music videos – no wonder his girl wasn’t loyal

Leonardo has never looked more like a Dad, and not in the hot way

Miley would turn into a pizza if only she could 

Pharrell may have great taste in music, but his taste in hats has long been questionable

Moral of the story: leave the bucket hat wearing to Rihanna and go buy yourself a new, slick snapback instead.

Pop culture moves pretty fast, and if you’re not careful, as the years go by, quality songs can slip through the cracks.  While in 2001 we never thought we’d ever be able to forget about Ja Rule and the whole Murda Inc. crew, 14 years later, the details are as fuzzy as the resolution on a VHS tape.  But listening to old rap songs is just like riding a bike: as soon as you start listening, it all comes back to you.

Here are 12 of our favorite rap songs that are so good that you can’t believe you ever forgot them.

1. Tipsy – J-Kwon (2004)

J-Kwon’s one and only big hit “Tipsy” peaked at #2 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 2004, and manages to win you over in less than five seconds with the admission that “teen drinking is very bad, yo, I got a fake ID though.” This song is like a can of Pringles: once you pop, the fun don’t stop. Plus, 
according to an interview that resident Kanye West gave to the New York Times, it’s apparently always been his #1.

2. 03′ Bonnie & Clyde – Jay Z And Beyonce (2002)

The year was 2002. Beyonce was the standout member of Destiny’s Child and Jay-Z had just pleaded guilty to stabbing record producer Lance Rivera at the Kit Kat Klub in NYC. Somehow, the two came together to record “03 Bonnie & Clyde,” Jay-Z’s lead single for Blueprint 2, and Beyonce’s first top ten single as a solo artist, and even though they didn’t make it official until two years later, Bey and Jay were totally hooking up and nothing was the same again.

3. Suga Suga – Baby Bash, Frankie J (2003)

Light on the rap and heavy on lyrics so bad they’re pretty funny, “Suga Suga” rose to number 7 on the Billboard Hot 100 and mysteriously became New Zealand’s #1 song for three weeks.  It was Baby Bash’s only big song, and quite frankly, it’s a miracle that he pulled it off.

4. Best I Ever Had – Drake (2009)

Before Drake was the man, he was still just a boy trying to make the world see him as anything but that kid in the wheelchair from Degrassi. “Best I Ever Had” was his first single from his first EP, and even though the hype and hate were strong, the track won Drake his first two Grammy Nominations and put him on the path to becoming the Drizzy we all know and love today. Kanye West directed the music video, which got its fair share of criticism for focusing too much on bouncing breasts that have never seen the inside of a sports bra, but just like some other early Kanye West material, it’s funny as f-ck.

5.  Always On Time – Ja Rule, Ashanti (2001)

The early 2000s were a magical time for Ja Rule, the gravel-voiced spokesman of Murder Inc. who managed to pop out hit singles like the kids today are popping Molly, before getting involved in too many beefs and eventually doing jail time (which was apparently amazing, so whatever). So it goes. Nobody can stay on top forever. “Always On Time” spent 2 weeks at the top of the Billboard Hot 100, Ja Rule’s second track to go straight to the top.

6.  Pimp Juice – Nelly (2003)

In 2003, Nelly was the king. His second album Nellyville had spawned the massive hits “Hot in Herre” and “Dilemma” and even though “Pimp Juice” failed to live up to those lofty standards, it succeeded in being named one of VH1’s Most Awesomely Bad Songs Ever. But what else can you expect from a song whose central conceit is that “she only wants me for my pimp juice.” Although, who are we to judge? Maybe Nelly has the tastiest cum the world has ever known.

7.  Candy Shop – 50 Cent ft. Olivia (2005)

“Candy Shop” was the second single from 50 Cent’s second album, and peaking at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 and staying there for nine straight weeks. Some thought it was crazy, sexy, cool and some thought it was an uninspiring display of “macho swagger” and “hostility.”  According to Fiddy, his intention was “to be as sexual as possible, from a male perspective, without being vulgar or obscene.”  You be the judge.

8.  Sex Room – Ludacris, Trey Songz (2010)

From Ludacris’s seventh studio album, Battle of the Sexes, “Sex Room” debuted at #98 on the Billboard Hot 100 and rose to a sexy #69. The song is about as awesomely bad as you could imagine, packed to the brim with groan-inducing lines that stay lodged in your brain for days. It’s not anybody’s best track, but it’s still a must listen.

9. Birthday Song – 2 Chainz, Kanye West (2012)

Released as the second single from his debut studio album, “Birthday Song” introduced the world to the glory of 2 Chainz. With poetic lyrics like
“she got a big booty so I call her Big Booty” and “When I die, bury me inside the booty club,” “Birthday Song” is hands down the best song you’ve never thought to listen. Plus, the music video has everything: kids beating up a clown, a woman trying and failing to do some contortionist crap, a line of unsmiling men getting lap dances, and a cameo from Kanye West that you know his agent thought was a horrible idea. Seriously, you have to trust us on this one.

10.  Holidae In – Chingy, Snoop Dogg, Ludacris (2003)

For a while in 2003, if you asked anybody who listened to rap what they were doing, they were likely to respond with, “chillin at the Holidae In.” “Holidae In” was Chingy’s second consecutive top 5 hit on the Billboard 100, although it’s the song’s featured rappers who everybody remembers (Ludacris and Snoop Dogg). A classic track.

11.  Mrs. Officer – Lil Wayne, Bobby V (2008)

Lil Wayne’s fourth and final single from his iconic Tha Carter III, “Mrs. Officer” was ranked the 25th Best Hip Hop song of 2008 by MTV, obviously behind the best song to ever play at any school dance ever, “Lolipop.” “Mrs. Officer” explores the possibility of what would happen if Lil Wayne took the commandment to f-ck the police literally and surprisingly, the result is easy, breezy and super endearing.

12.  Oh Boy – Cam’ron (2002)

Always a classic.

Nothing is more exciting than having the opportunity to travel to a new city. You can try new foods, see new sights, and meet new people. Unfortunately, it’s easy to get caught in a tourist trap (especially if traveling with a big group of friends). So, what’s the one thing you were missing on your last vacation? Would you believe me if I said Tinder? No? Well you should, here’s why:

1. It is SO Easy

With apps like Tinder and Happn, you have no excuse not to meet a guy while traveling. Gone are the days when you would idly sip your Sangria at the hotel bar waiting for Prince Charming to sweep you off your feet. Now, you can simply swipe from the beach until you find someone who fits your ideal picture of a summer romance. Granted, you do still need to be safe about these things. If your mother knew that you were meeting up with guys from the internet in a foreign country, she would probably book your flight home this instant. Always meet in a public place, and tell somebody where you’re going (and who with). Although the worst that will probably happen is your date tries to eat your face at the dinner table, better safe than sorry.

2. Other Countries Take Apps More Seriously

Tinder has a pretty bad rep over here in America, and if girls had a dollar for every “sit on my face” message they receive, they’d have a new pair of Louboutins. However, in Europe (and other countries as well), people actually still respect dating culture. Unlike dudes in America who swipe right until they find a chick they can take home to their parent’s basement, foreign guys at least have the decency to ask you out to dinner first. Who knows, maybe you really can find love on Tinder!

3. You’ll Get Your Own Personal Tour Guide

Remember when your parents dragged you to the Coliseum and you nearly fell asleep listening to the old tourist guide drone on about Ancient Rome? I’m sure you would have been much more apt to pay attention if your tour guide was a hottie with a cute accent (not to mention is closer to your age). It’s easy to find a guy who wants to show off his knowledge of his city to a pretty foreign girl (especially because to him you’re easy pickings). Sure, the motivation behind his tour is that he wants to be your vacation sex, but you can just as easily skip the post-tour fornicating and simply get a good tour of the city through a local’s eyes.

4. You’ll Discover Secret Spots

By being shown around by a local (or even just going on dates with one), you will naturally be lead to spots that the brochures (or your parents) don’t know about. That cute hole in the wall restaurant with killer tacos or that speakeasy with banging tequila mixers is something that will give you an authentic travel experience rather than just hitting the cliche tourist spots.

5. You’ll Learn the Lingo

Would you fancy a drink with a London lad? Or maybe be keen to go back to his place?

Yeah…even if you’re traveling to an English speaking country, they’re not using the same slang as you do wherever you’re from. If you’re headed to a non-English speaking destination, it’s an even better place to practice a new language (regardless if your last experience was in 12th grade French class). You’re not going to get the full cultural experience if you don’t learn new things and get out of your comfort zone. If getting out of your comfort zone involves a sexy Italian guy teaching you to say “I want you inside me,” then that’s cool too!

6. You’ll Get Some Alone Time

The worst thing about traveling is that you tend to get sick of whomever you chose to travel with. Whether it’s your family or your best girl-friends, too much together-ness isn’t good for anyone. While exploring alone is awesome, you might just need a new perspective and adventure buddy (with a nice butt).

7. Freebies

Even if your date is a complete dud, you at least get a free drink or meal out of it. We all know that traveling is expensive as hell, and every little bit helps. Even if your date hardly speaks English and keeps making creepy gestures across the table, try your best to sit through it and indulge in your authentic Italian pasta.

Dilemma: your crush is going to be at the same fourth of July BBQ as you, and after the fireworks you’d really like to segway the celebrations into something more…romantic. But you’d like to keep your lipstick on your own face, and off of your crush’s, if–no–when you two finally get to make out.

So how can you make sure your lip color stays put all day (and night) long?

1. Exfoliate, Prime, and Set 

You can make any lipstick long lasting if you take the time to incorporate these steps into your make up routine. In order to exfoliate your lips, you can mix one teaspoon of coconut oil with one teaspoon of sugar, then apply the mixture to your lips with your finger and scrub away. Or, if you don’t like to DIY, you can use this lip scrub from lush. After exfoliating, prime your lips by using a moisturizing lip balm to lock in moisture, and then, after applying your choice of lip color, finish with a setting product.  If you don’t have any special products on hand this weekend that make your lipstick stay on, you can apply a small amount of translucent powder with a q-tip or tissue before and after you apply lip stick.

2. Use a Matte Lipstick 

Matte formulas usually stick on longer than their glossier counterparts, by nature of the fact that they are less “slick” and move around on your lips less. If you do nothing else, a matte lip may save the day all on its own. A great 4th of July pick is NYX matte soft lip cream in Amsterdam, and it’s available in most drugstores!

3. Use a Lip Stain Instead 

They won’t melt in the summer heat and the color won’t transfer onto anything. If you use a lip stain, you won’t have to reapply, even after you’ve had your third hot dog. Lip stains do just that–stain your lips rather than just sit on top of them. If you truly desire to rock the reddest lip, and not have to worry whatsoever about it getting all over your crush’s face, then try something like this. The color will be a bit more muted and subtle with a stain than with a stick, but it’ll all be worth it once you’re finally making out with the babe you showed up to the BBQ for!

Let’s be honest, we’re all probably getting laid this weekend. I mean, how else would be celebrate our country’s independence than by celebrating our sexual independence (or dependence if you have a bae).

Instead of having sex by the beach and getting sand stuck in your ass, you’ve got to try this patriotic af sex position.

It’s called the Eagle and is allegedly from the Kama Sutra (yes, there are hella eagles in India, I Googled it).

It’s kind of like the traditional “spread eagle” you would think of when hearing the words “eagle” and “sex position” in the same sentence, but with a slight twist. Chances are, you’ve probably already done this position without realizing how frickin’ patriotic and American you were being.

Source: Pinterest

So what I can take from this picture from Pinterest, where the guy looks super fucking chill and the girls nipples look like they could cut my eyes out, is that both partners together make the eagle shape. Her legs are the wings and the dude is the rest of the eagle.

The best part of this sex position is it’s easy, can be done on a bed, and neither of you will end up in the ER. The only thing you might want to watch for is if your boy toy has a huge dick, cuz this position will let him to penetrate you pretty deep and it could be a bit painful. If so, try one of these positions instead.

Perhaps you can shout out “God Bless America” as you reach orgasm? Uncle Sam would be proud.

The 4th of July is a time to put aside all of our differences and celebrate the day that our fledgling nation of crazy ass Puritans became legit.

Or you know, just celebrate the fact that you got a full day off of work to get drunk with your friends and eat a lot of food.

And what better way to celebrate BOTH of these things than by rolling some joints that are also sparklers?

Sure, it’s a little dangerous, but who ever have fun by playing it safe?  After all, this is America: land of the free, home of the brave, and birthplace of the YOLO.

Here’s what you need:

1. One lighter
2. One cigarette (in case you wanna make your j a spliffy poo)
3. A rolling paper
4. Something to make a filter out of (like actual filters or card stock, if you’re feeling SUPER DIY)
5. A grinder
And last but certainly not least
6. Marijuana

Alright, now here’s what you need to do to get rolling

1. Pick up your lighter.  Hold it to the light and take a moment to thank it for all the good times its enabled you to have.  It works hard so you can get high, and I bet you’ve never said thank you to it before.  Now, gently roll the flint wheel back and forth until you gather a substantial mount of “sparkle dust”.  Be careful not to actually light your lighter though.

2. Pretend that “sparkler dust” is cocaine cocoa powder and cut yourself a fat line.

3. Set that aside, put on a good music video, and roll yourself a nice ole j.  If you don’t know how to roll, there’s no time like the present to pick up a new skill – practice makes perfect, but this tutorial should help you come up with something that’ll do the trick.

4. Rub your finger against your tongue (just a light sprinkling will do) and run your dampened finger from the top of your joint down to its base in a vertical line.

5. Set the wet part of your j down in your “sparkler dust” and make sure it picks up enough to count.

6. Repeat steps 4-5 at least three more times.  You want this joint to really sparkle after all.

7.  Light it up and get ready for one of the most memorable smoking experiences of your life.

Happy 4th of July, y’all.

Sorry to break it to you, but whatever you’re wearing today pales in comparison to Jessica Simpson’s 4th of July outfit from her 2005 GQ cover.

Would you believe this was the “America” issue?

The camo pants?
The ironic dogtags?
The casual juxtaposition of war and peace?
The USA bikini with the stripes going THE WRONG FUCKING WAY?

It really doesn’t get much more American than that — especially when she puts on her MATCHING CAMOUFLAGE PANTS!!!!!

Kudos Jessica, your 4th of July outfit will go down in history as the most American thing ever.

God bless America, or something.

Taylor Swift has a way of getting under people’s skin, but every now and then she does something that not even the haters can hate, like sing the most over-played song in America: the National Anthem.

Seriously, no matter how good your voice is, I would pretty much rather die than have to listen to you belt your way through the high notes in an effort to seem as patriotic and divalicious as possible.

But in 2009, when Taylor Swift still had long curly hair and didn’t even know what the word squad was, she played a super cute acoustic rendition of the National Anthem that’s devoid of all the bombast you normally hear.

Trust me, it’s refreshingly not annoying.

And while you’re at it, check out a 12-year-old Taylor Swift singing the National Anthem at a 76ers game because it doesn’t get cuter than that.

Even though maturity is all about making sacrifices, sometimes a girl just has to say “f-ck it, I’m in my 20s” and stay out until 4 AM getting drunk and having fun with her friends.

This weekend, I found myself in such a position.

Every year, Sex magazine hosts a party at China Chalet, a Chinese restaurant on Wall Street, where anything goes. It’s a night where beautifully hip Brooklynites brave the trek to the Isle of Manhattan and in return get to smoke weed while waiting in line for the bathroom and pop mollys at the dinner table will full impunity. For one night, and one night only, there are no rules.

Obviously, I had to go to this party.

Here’s how to wake up the next day, drag your hungover ass out of bed, and go to work feeling like the bae that you are.

First things first, just accept that some of last night’s glitter won’t go away.  Wear it like a badge of honor, your proof of a night well spent.  Even if your co-workers won’t admit it, they’re secretly jealous of your lifestyle.  Just like sex, everybody always thinks they could be having more fun (and they’re totally right).

That being said, wash your face anyway.  Exfoliate if you can, but get last night’s makeup off your face before you even think about doing anything else.  Even if you wake up in somebody else’s bed, everybody has running water in their bathroom (unless they’re part of the 1.6 million Americans without indoor plumbing that is).

Now, while you’re still in the bathroom, do yourself a favor and brush your teeth.  Who knows what you put into your body last night, but the good news is, after you’re done, nobody ever will.

As you make your way back to your room, make a detour to the kitchen and pour yourself a big ole glass of water.  I know, I know, you’ve heard this one million times before, but let’s be real, how many of you are really doing it?  Just because it’s old news doesn’t mean you don’t gotta head it.  Even if you don’t feel like putting anything else into your body right now, the more water you drink now, the faster you can make a full recovery.  In fact, if your head is really in the game, you’ll drink a glass (or two) before you go to bed.  Such a game changer.

And now it’s time for the main event: putting yourself together.

Now, just try and be realistic here.  Unless you wake up flawless, there’s only so much you can expect from your hungover self.  Throw on a thin layer of eyeliner, maybe some concealer, and please remember to deodorize yourself.  If you have perfume, now would be a good time to use it.  The goal is to look and feel fresh.

Throw on a simple t and jeans or your most comfortable dress, pop an Advil on your way out and make sure you have your sunglasses.  The sun is just too real.

On your way out the door, even if it means showing up five to ten minutes late, make a pit stop at the nearest bagel shop/bodega/cafe and buy yourself the most substantial thing you think you can handle.  If it’s juice, great, get a hydrating juice.  If it’s food, get whatever has the most carbs.  And, as always, keep hydrating.  Save the coffee for later – you’re gonna be out of it anyway.

Congratulations, even if you don’t feel like it, to the rest of the world, you look exactly like a human.  Keep drinking water, and it won’t be long before you convince yourself too.

It’s officially spring time, and love (or lust) is in the air.

Instead of getting it on under an electric blanket watching Netflix, you and your partner are probably suddenly struck with spring frenzy of wanting to fuck in the pool, on the beach, or at your grandmother’s BBQ (sorry granny).

If you’re looking to spice up your sex life with some kinky semi-public sex, go you. However, it’s all fun and games until you suddenly have a sex offender charge on your record, which you could actually get if caught with your pants down by a police officer. That being said, be more careful about where and when you’re getting it on outside, because nothing kills a boner like a trip to the county jail.

1. Wear Something That Allows Easy Access

The ultimate goal is to be outside for as short a timeframe as possible so as to minimize your chance for indecent exposure. A romper may not be your best choice (no matter how cute it looks on you), because if you hear someone approach and need to make a quick getaway, there’s no way you’re getting a romper on quickly. Opt for a summery dress sans-bra or even a bikini if you’re at a beach-type establishment. Whatever you can get on and off quickly works best.

2. Choose Lonely Hours

Sex on the beach? Sure, but not at noon when the sun is shining and there are toddlers waddling around in water-proof diapers and floaties. The best time to try to do the dirty in public is obviously when it’s dark and the majority of non-sexing humans are sleeping.

3. Go Somewhere That’s Not Open Yet

This time of year is actually prime time to check off public sex off of your bucket list. Why? Because lots of warm weather attractions (i.e: pools, beaches, amusement parks) are not open or busy yet. Be careful that you don’t trespass on private property and therefore get yourself into trouble for that too, but some open area attractions (I once got it on at an outdoor mini-golf course) are perfect locations for when it’s not quite primetime season.

4. Consider Having Foreplay In Private

If you’re not the type of girl that gets off on quickies, consider engaging in foreplay inside (or in your car). Like previously stated, you want to be outside for as minimal time as possible. Also, depending on where you’re having sex, you may not want to lay down on the ground, and want to have standing up sex to avoid getting too dirty.

5. Survey The Area Prior To Fornication

If you don’t know the area that you’re getting boned in, you may walk out feeling good and two weeks later receive a summons based on security tapes that were found on location. Please do yourself a favor and make sure that there aren’t any video cameras in your new sex-hideout. Also, find a place with natural barriers (like a tree to hide behind or a wall) so that you’re not visible to outsiders from all directions.

6. Have Fun!

If I just freaked you out so much about getting arrested for doing it doggy style in public, then maybe hold off. There’s no way you’re going to have an orgasm if you’re mentally preparing for your indecent exposure arrest. As much as I wish America was a fun loving country that allowed horny humans like myself to get it on at the farmer’s market or a public park, it isn’t. When in doubt, hold off until you get back to a private spot.

Poor eggplant emoji. All it wanted was to be a round, purple vegetable, and it ended up being the token dick-shaped fruit used for sexting, dick pics, and as the emoji of choice for bae’s contact into.

But, if you’ve ever really perused the wide variety of emojis. And no, I don’t mean Kimojis, or Slaymoji, or any other off-brand emoji, I mean the OG emojis. Have you ever really sat down and looked through each and every weird sign, ugly smiley, and pile of poop that’s apparently supposed to be ice cream?

There’s actually another dick-shaped food item that works way better for sexting, and it’s the champagne emoji. Mic pointed this little sexting emoji hack out to us, and we couldn’t agree with them more.

Thanks for the memories eggplant, but there’s a new wannabe cock in town.

1. It’s Way Classier

Sorry, but eggplants don’t exactly exude class. Sure, you can have a “healthy” dinner at Mediterranean restaurant with Baba Ghanoush, or you can toss some grilled eggplants into your kale salad; but it’s still not synonymous with class like champagne is.

For some reason, even though you can buy a $6 bottle of Andre like it’s nothing (or Cooks, which is the tits); champagne is still regarded as a “classy” beverage, much like wine hasn’t lost it’s high-class image even amongst Franzia’s prevalence.

I mean, why would you joke about sticking a $4 eggplant in your vag when you could pop a magnum bottle of Dom P?

2. It’s Kind of Like Sexting Jay Gatsby

Sorry, but unless you’re a blonde Victoria’s Secret model that eats two croutons a day (but only if they’re gluten free), you prob aren’t ever going to sext Leo.

But, if you start pretending that your boyfriend’s dick is the champagne emoji, you can maybe pretend? IDK, kind of a long shot, but a little role-play never hurt nobody.

3. Eggplants Don’t Actually Jizz

If you’ve never actually cooked with an eggplant before, I’ll let you in on a little secret: they don’t jizz or produce any type of liquid excrement.

Champagne bottles on the other hand pop the fuck off. Think about what guys like the Slut Whisperer do every weekend, which is giving champagne showers to girls at the club all over their faces and/or tits. That’s kind of like exactly what your boyfriend wants to do with his jizz!

Unless the dude your sexting doesn’t cum, champagne bottle is the way to go when describing his junk and what’s going to come out of it when you’re done with him.

4. It’s Kind of Safer But Also Not

An eggplant emoji may look innocent on your tiny IPhone screen. But in reality, eggplants are fat AF. You do not want that shit in your vag. You probably don’t want a champagne bottle in your vag either, considering that it’s made of fucking glass…but, at least the neck of a bottle is much more manageable size wise than a big, fat eggplant.

5. You Can Distinguish Between Dicks

Maybe it’s not that the eggplant emoji is dead, but now you can use two different emojis when describing your two fuck-buddies! Maybe Darren, with his fat purple-y cock, can be the eggplant whereas Thomas, with his long and lean dick, can be the champagne! Finally, your friends will be able to keep track of all the dicks in your life, thank the lord for technology.

6. It’ll Be Way More Useful In Your Recent Emojis

When you used the eggplant emoji, you used it for one thing: to symbolize a cock. But the champagne emoji can be used as a dick and as a sign that you’re doing it big tonight and shaking your tits in some guy’s face until he buys you a champagne bottle at the club. With dick and alcohol, you really can’t go wrong.

Welcome to Galore horoscopes, where we’ll advise you on whether to expect drama, chill vibes, hot sex, or all of the above over the coming week.

Peep your sign’s seven-day forecast, starting Monday and ending the following Sunday, below. Pro tip: instead of your sun sign, make sure to read your rising sign as it’s far more accurate.

ARIES

It should turn out to be a prosperous week for you, dear Aries. Mars your ruler isn’t retrograde anymore, thank goodness! You can really focus your full body and mind on action and going after what you desire.

This 4^th of July a beautiful new moon in Cancer falls into your 4^th house of family and home. The new moon is great for a little magic and make your wishes come true. Remodel your home and spent some quality time with your family. Focus on building inner security and re-growing inner self love in order to be more stable and independent.

Start by throwing away all of your clutter. Don’t cling onto material possessions. Like Buddha said: “The best things in life aren’t things.” Surrender, detach, release them and your new moon wishes shall come true.

Mercury the planet of the mind, together with the bright sun, which represents your ego will be opposing Pluto the lord of darkness which is currently touring through your 10^th house of career and reputation.

A huge career transformation might force you to change your living situation. You feel like you need more space and freedom in order to grow or if you are still living with your parents, it could mean that you no longer can stand living at home. All you want is to break free.

TAURUS

New Moons = new beginnings! July first marked half of 2016. If you still would like to turn your year around there is no better planetary event than a new moon to kick start into the last 6 months of the year! Make them count!

The new moon in Cancer falls into your 3^rd house of communication, which should be on a high right now, with all these planetary bodies dancing in there. Start a new skill. It is an excellent time to get into all kinds of social media apps. You now have the power and creativity to increase your followers and likes, if you wish so.

Believe that with newness comes new possibilities.

A Mercury/Sun combo, which represents your mind & ego will be opposing transformative Pluto, which is currently touring through your 9^th house of career and reputation. You won’t be satisfied with superficial communication anymore. You want to hang out with people who value similar if not the same belief systems.

GEMINI

Cash rules everything around you, dollar dollar bill y’all. This cancer new moon falls into your 2^nd house of money and income. It is the best time to start a new financial plan. Why not get one of these apps to check your expenses. Look for opportunities to increase your income. Believe that new possibilities exist for you, too.

Mercury the planet of the mind, together with the bright sun, which represents your ego will be opposing transformative Pluto currently touring through your 8^th house of deep sexuality and shared money.

A change in an inheritance you thought you were receiving or simply a cut in a source of money from even a group project might change your income situation a little. Don’t panic, since with your brilliant mind you’ll always come up with the best ideas.

CANCER

Happy new moon in your sign, dear Cancer! Click the restart button! The Moon is your planetary ruler, forget about January 1^st, this is your day to reboot and start a completely new cycle. Align your body, mind and spirit to manifest what you want. Since there are so many planets in Cancer right now you are acting less shy.

It’s the new moon à make a wish. Feel and show gratitude. Always see, feel & be the love you desire.

Enchanting Venus in your sign is forming a tense aspect to surprise Planet Uranus in your 10^th house of reputation. Unforeseen career news could shake up your ego a little now. Don’t forget that the planets work out in our favor and that in the end we will get what we truly want.

Mercury the planet of the mind and the bright sun, which represents your ego will be opposing Pluto the lord of darkness which is currently touring through your 7^th house of relationships and partners.

A romantic partnership could consume you now and transform your whole being. Jealousies and power plays either from you or your partner could unfortunately be part of your experience. It could be hard for you to distinguish between love and obsession.

LEO

In contrast of always being in the spotlight be it with friends or strangers, this new moon in cancer, you will be working more behind the scenes.

Soon the sun and a bunch of planets will be moving into your sign and you will be the center of attention. So use this time wisely to relax, recharge and spend some quality time with yourself or your pets. Clear your mind and explore your subconscious. Relax, believe and let go.

The new moon is great for a little magic to make your wishes come true

With rebellious Uranus transiting through your 9^th house of the higher mind you keep reevaluating your belief systems. Really try to do Yoga now, since you could be having a spiritual epiphany with Uranus aspecting Venus which represents your values and is currently touring through your 12^th hidden house of the unconscious.

Try to make meditation part of your daily routine to really get the best benefits. Since Pluto is currently touring through your 6^th house of habits and health.

VIRGO

With the new moon in compassionate Cancer, you are more emotional with your friends and that is beautiful. You always try to please everybody, but this way you can emotionally open up easier, thanks to the lunar energies. The 11th house is also the house of dreams. Dream big & manifest. Make your wishes a reality. Trust in the synchronistic events unfolding.

Creative projects or a romantic love affair could consume you now, giving you less time to interact with friends and groups or even changing your ways and what you value in your friends. You are looking for something deeper and profounder in a group now.

LIBRA

Your career month is still going strong. You are getting an extra lunar boost with the new moon falling into your 10^th house of reputation. Set your dreams in motion. Plant seeds of intentions in everything you do and say and allow yourself to believe. You will get the respect you richly deserve. You will get cooperation from superiors. You can make great progress professionally.

Your ruling planet Venus will be squaring rebel Planet Uranus, which is currently touring through your 7^th house of relationships and other people. Uranus has been shaking up your ground for quite some time. You might have surprises related to relationships or business partners. Don’t act on it right away and definitely don’t sign any contracts this week.

Mercury the planet of the mind, together with the bright sun, which represents your ego will be opposing basement planet Pluto, which is currently touring through your sacred 4th house of home and family. Transformations or a crisis at home or with your family could impact your career reputation now. Remember without darkness we would not be able to see the stars.

SCORPIO

There is an exotic new moon falling into your 9^th house of the higher mind. Long distance travel is on your cards or if you can’t leave town, maybe it is time to start getting into Buddhism? You feel like exploring a new belief system or even becoming a vegetarian. Try an exotic cuisine or foreign language. New moons are powerful, write down your goals, dreams and wishes.

Feel good Venus will be forming a tense aspect to rebel planet Uranus. Check your health as there might be surprises coming up, it’s probably not something serious but a medical issue that could influence your travels. You are not a superficial talker nor are you interested in small talk. But this week double Mercury Sun opposition to your ruler lord of darkness Pluto might have you obsess and get even deeper while you converse with others. It would not be wise to hang out with shallow people this week.

SAGITTARIUS

This could be a very sexually rewarding week. The new moon in Cancer this Monday is hitting a powerful spot in your chart. It’s either about money or sex. I know you live for the moment, but if you have debts, make a plan to pay them back. You crave for more spiritual sex and want to try new ways to experiment. You might be evaluating your ideas of intimacy.

With a stellium of planets, not only the New Moon still in your 8^th house you are projecting a darker, more mysterious but very sexy aura.

At this new moon plant a seed for the universe to tend. Your boundless energy and optimism will help you set your vision upon the star.

Pleasure seeking Venus in your 8^th house will be forming a tense aspect to Uranus in your 5th house, which also rules children.  Surprise pregnancy news could come up if you’ve been too wild lately.

Mercury the planet of the mind, together with the bright sun, which represents your ego will be opposing Pluto the lord of darkness which is currently touring through your 2nd house values and possessions. Deep sexual encounters could really influence your values now. A dark matter could be obsessing your mind and ego.

CAPRICORN

For the whole month pretty much you have been focusing on one on one relationship. This Monday the new moon in Cancer marks a new beginning for you and especially your companion. It’s like a new fresh year for your relationships. It would be a beautiful time to re-new marriage vows, that is how refreshing this new lunar energy feels. Growth in relationship might come easier now. Welcome abundance, growth and transformation. If you celebrate your love this Monday with a new moon ritual, I promise you, that the rest of the week and the planetary energies won’t feel as heavy.

Later in the week, cray planet Uranus will be forming a tense aspect to loving Venus currently in your house of home. Some surprises in your living situation might bring some tenseness to relationships with others. Uranus is known as the rebel planet that likes to shake things up, in order to have more freedom and independence.

Watch out for communication planet Mercury & the Sun opposing darkness planet Pluto. Something your partner talks to you about might deeply transform you. Don’t be scared as it might be intense at first. A power play could be going on as well, which can be sexy sometimes.

AQUARIUS

Happy new moon in Cancer, the best new moon placement to have if you want to kick start your habits, dear Aquarius! It’s a wonderful time to introduce new beginnings, projects and desires you wish for. This Cancer new moon falls into your 6^th house of daily habits, routines and health.

The other good news is, that during the new moon we tend to feel less bloated. Yay!

The new moon is the perfect time to manifest what you wish to have in your life.

Venus will be squaring your ruler Uranus which is currently touring through your 3rd house of communication. Some weirdness might bubble up while conversing.

A Mercury/Sun- mind/ego combo which is currently beaming through your 6^th house of health and routine, will be opposing unconscious Pluto in your secretive unconscious 12^th house. Double unconscious energies stir up synchronistic events. A daily situation might turn dark. Don’t be scared of transformation. You won’t be satisfied with superficial communication anymore. You want to hang out with people who value similar, if not the same belief systems.

PISCES

Time for a new summer romance? Happy 4th of July ! Happy new moon! Start a new creative adventure or any project related to children, since this beautiful nurturing new moon falls into your 5^th house of creativity, true love and offspring.

If in a relationship, this is a great time to freshen up and bring some spice into it. You are going to feel like a teenager again. Fertility is also highlighted during this new moon. So if you are not planning on making any children make sure to be careful while you are having all this fun.

Anyway the new moon is a wonderful period to wish all your dreams and desires up into the air.

Watch out for financial up and downs, due to surprise planet Uranus forming a tense square to Venus which might put a break on your fun zone.

Mercury the planet of the mind, together with the bright sun, which represents your ego will be opposing Pluto the lord of darkness which is currently touring through your 11^th house of friends & dreams.

You might encounter somebody intense that will influence your creative projects or maybe a dream will make you consume your passions.

If you often identify as the “sarcastic friend,” you might want to take a deeper look at your own issues, according to new studies conducted by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology at UC California.

Saracasm is now being referred to as a pattern of behavior which stems from “contemptuousness,” and can lead to scary behavior including bullying your co-workers, sabotaging your relationships, and becoming a terrorist. Yep, that’s correct, terrorism is involved.

How’d they come up with this? The scientists constructed a Dispositional Contempt Scale, which they’d use to interview participants based on whether they agreed with statements like, “I often lose respect for others,” “I would never try to make someone feel worthless,” and “I often feel like others are wasting my time.”

They offered this test to upwards of 800 people for this study, and also tested for levels of dispositional anger, disgust, envy, perfectionism, pride, self-esteem, and narcissism, as well as the 5 big personality traits. And their findings showed some pretty crazy shit: “contemptuous people are disagreeable — they couldn’t care less about making you happy — yet they also feel like others are unfairly imposing their standards on them.”

While more studies need to be done in order to get to the bottom of contemptuous personalities, so far, doctors have linked low self-esteem and contemptuousness pretty directly.

“A history of perceiving caretakers as unavailable in times of need, for example, may predispose one to seeing others as generally unreliable in their roles and responsibilities,” Roberta Schriber, the study’s lead researcher added.

If you’re bitter with abandonment issues, like myself, you’ll probably want to focus on ways to get better. Why not try some compassion for yourself? Here’s one way to do it:

NY Mag claims you should try to remember that, “the perception and classification of one’s experiences as part of mankind rather than an interpretation that is separate from others.”

As in, your shitty life is no worse than anybody else’s. So check yourself, sarcastic people, before you wreck yourself.

Traditions are sacred, and that includes Taylor Swift’s 4th of July Squad Party.

Last year, Taylor and her squad hung out to take pictures in special 4th of July onesies, and this year they expanded their tradition to include more squad members, more fun activities, a variety of swimwear silhouettes, and more photo opportunities for you to feel like a lesser human being.

Here’s everything we learned about Taylor, her squad, and what it means to be alive this year.

1. Taylor Swift has a belly button

And it’s a completely normal looking innie.

After all these years of aggressively hiding it, who would have known she wasn’t secretly deformed or something?

2. And a bathing suit from Forever 21

While the top is sold out, you can still buy the bathing suit bottoms and be Taylor Swift’s half-twin for the low low price of $12.90.

3. And the exact same one piece as Gigi Hadid

Which they both probably purchased here for $168.

4. Who also packed a thong bikini for the trip because YOLO

July 3: #GigiHadid and #TaylorSwift at the beach in Rhode Island.

A photo posted by Hadid News (@hadidnews) on Jul 3, 2016 at 7:55pm PDT

5. There have been some new additions to the squad

Uzo Aduba was there, Blake Lively was there, and so were Ruby Rose and her new girlfriend.

With ❤️ from us

A photo posted by Ruby Rose (@rubyrose) on Jul 4, 2016 at 6:49pm PDT

6. Most notably, Taylor’s new bf Tom, who had to wear an ‘i <3 t.s.’ shirt for the ENTIRE DAY

Yes “I ❤ T.S” #rhodeisland #TomHiddleston #taylorswift #Hiddleswift #hiddleswifties #hiddlestoners #Swifties

A photo posted by Actualizaciones Hiddleswift (@hiddleswifties) on Jul 3, 2016 at 7:41pm PDT

And to reward him, Taylor gave him a chaste kiss in the water, which almost makes up for the fact that she made him wear a shirt with her initials on it before he could meet all of her friends in one probably very overwhelming 48 hours.

Taylor and Tom in the beach yesterday. #rhodeisland #TomHiddleston #taylorswift #Hiddleswift #hiddleswifties #hiddlestoners #Swifties

A photo posted by Actualizaciones Hiddleswift (@hiddleswifties) on Jul 4, 2016 at 11:40am PDT

Although TBH, we’re still waiting for the adorable 4th of July Instagram from them officially announcing their totally real couple status as per Taylor Swift tradition.

7. Sadly, Selena Gomez couldn’t make it

hostess vibes. Happy 4th everyone!

A video posted by Selena Gomez (@selenagomez) on Jul 4, 2016 at 8:26pm PDT

‘Cause she was too busy hosting her own pool party in Arizona.

9. Which is sad because she missed out on a fun-filled weekend of sports

10. Tasteful face painting

@estehaim

A photo posted by Martha Hunt (@marhunt) on Jul 4, 2016 at 7:41pm PDT

11. Rock climbing

12. Aquatic pregnant makeouts

Between Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds.

13. Drinking unidentified liquids out of plastic cups in public

14. And standing around, waiting for somebody to take a picture

Doesn’t it just look like so much fun to hang out with the #squad for the 4th of July?

#sojealous

[H/T Daily Mail]