ICYMI, in 2013 Gwyneth Paltrow was named the “Most Hated Celebrity,” on a list that included Kristen Stewart at #2, John Mayer at #4, Justin Bieber at #8, Anne Hathaway at #9 and Chris Brown at #20.

At the time, this ranking confused her (and frankly the rest of the world), and three years later, it still does.

“First of all, I was like, ‘I’m the most hated celebrity? More than, like, Chris Brown? What did I do,” Paltrow asked Stephen Sackur during a recent appearance on BBC News’s HardTalk.

While Sakur politely pointed out that Gwyneth has an uncanny way of making “people feel bad sometimes,” Gwyneth has a point.

What did she do to make America hate her more than they hate a noted fuckboy whose crimes include beating up his famous girlfriend, cheating on her, getting back together with her while dating somebody else, cheating on that girl, and even slut shaming his 2-year-old daughter?

But seriously, when we objectively think about it, what did Gwnyneth Paltrow do?

She got married to Chris Martin?
She named her first born daughter Apple?
She launched an all organic, super luxury lifestyle brand with a nonsense name?
She introduced the world to the concept of unconscious coupling?

Face it, Gwyneth’s biggest crime is that she’s not relatable, although she posits in the interview it’s because “my parents did well, and I was able to go to a fantastic school, and we grew up in New York City.”

Like it’s almost cute that Gwyneth has clearly never hired a publicist who had the balls to tell her the truth about why people don’t like her, but at the same time, it’s hard to resist the urge to shake your head whenever words come out of Gwyneth’s mouth.

As if on cue, in what can only be described as an effort to absolve us of any of the guilt we’d started to feel, Gwyneth went and said this:

“People tend to think that I eat just seaweed and a bit of air,” she said of her refined tastes. In reality, the actress said, “I have never had a horrible experience with French fries. French fries are my life!”

Sure they are, Gwen.

You, Blake Lively, and her meaty eyelids deserve each other.

It’s no secret that Snapchat is a fuckboy’s favorite form of social media. His messages disappear, he can easily hit up multiple girls at once, and he has to put in minimum effort. Since most of us are either dealing with or dodging fuckboys on the daily, we constantly have questions about what these unique specimens of man are really doing on Snapchat.

For example, how many girls are they really mass snapping? Is there a reason he’s only Snapchatting you and never texting? And why is he sending you dick pics?

We asked some local fuckboys and Galore readers about their Snapchat flirtations, and we got down to the juicy shit.

You’ll probably be appalled after reading this, but let’s be real. When you send nudes you know that the dude is probably showing at least his closest “bros.” Sometimes you just wanna show off your body post pole-dancing class, and that’s cool, just remember that guys are dogs and want to gloat to as many of their friends as possible.

As for the dudes that take pictures of girls passed out in their beds? That’s another level of fucked up and probably some sort of sex crime, tbh. Not sure how to protect yourself against this one besides not having one night stands with fuckboys, which seems difficult. Perhaps you could “accidentally” sleep with his phone under your pillow?

1. Say My Name, Say My Name

“The only way a girl can really know if the Snapchat I send is personal is if [her] name is on it, that’s the only way. Because even if it’s sexual and stuff, I could be messing with more than one girl at a time and send it to them [too].”

2. Cougars R Classy

“When I was 17 I fucked a 23-year-old in the shower and took a Snapchat of me and her in the shower after because I had a LifeProof case and I wanted to show my friends. She posed for the picture and covered up a little bit.”

3. Got It

“I’ll send a pic with my face in it and the girl laying down [in the morning] to send to all my boys, we all do that. I’ll usually send dick pics if I’ve been hooking up with a girl for a while, unless they seem like they’re not into that. You know the girls who want it but act like they’re not allowed to like sex? I won’t send dick pics to them.”

4. New Haircut FTW

“I generally don’t mass snap everyone, it’s usually fairly calculated. In the sense that, I might mass snap my friends, but often the first people I select are either former hook-up buddies or exes, girls i’m somewhat interested in, or girls that I would potentially be interested in. I usually just send cool things that I’m doing, views of places I’m at, or my new haircut.”

5. Wonder if LifeProof Knows Of Their Popularity?

“Now that I’m out of college and living back in my hometown, every once in a while some girl from high school will randomly add me on Snapchat, which I assume means that they want the dick [editor’s note: ew, no, they do not]. I’ll send a Snapchat next time I’m in the shower and say, ‘always bringing my phone in the shower,’ or some shit. 10 times out of 10 I’ll get a snap back of the girl who has clearly dropped whatever she was doing just to get in the shower and take a picture of her tits in the shower. It’s a cheat code for me, but it’s also pretty subtle and gives girls an excuse to do what I know they wanted to do anyways. I haven’t send a dick pic since early high school though, just shirtless.”

6. Goal

“I play soccer so I’m constantly rocking a farmer’s tan. I’ll ‘complain’ about my farmer’s tan to girls via Snapchat and it usually results in them showing me their tan lines, more often than not in inappropriate areas [editor’s note: I’m sooo sure that’s what “usually” happens…]. I have to time it right, like if they’re blowing me up. It’s a process sometimes. I’m probably 15 for 18 in my career, not including repeat offenders.”

7. This Seems Too Complicated

“I’ve gotten some pretty random nudes before. I mean sometimes I ask and get a good response but I rarely ask unless I’m really comfortable with the girl. I wouldn’t be a guy if I didn’t [send mass snapchats to girls] [editor’s note: debatable]. When I’m feeling myself I’ll send a shirtless pic to my story, but I’ll block it from girls that are strictly friends or friends of friends. By sending it to my story it makes it less weird than if I were randomly to send a shirtless pic to a girl I’d never talked to, it seems more carefree.”

While sporting a bush was once normal and dare we say trendy, the pubic hair “look” of the 2000s was all about being smooth as a baby’s bottom.

In 2016, we’ve taken some interesting strides with how we see women’s body hair. More and more women are opting to let their armpits or other body hair go natural, and trendsetters like Miley Cyrus have even taken to dying their armpit hair fun colors.

But when it comes to our pubic hair, it seems that most of us are still all aboard the S.S. Baldie, as a recent study shows 62% of women worldwide opt to remove all of their pubic hair whereas 84% of women reported some form of grooming.

The study was taken by surveying 3,316 nationally representative women about their grooming habits and their reasoning for getting rid of their pubic hair.

It’s not news that women are going for the pre-pubescent look when it comes to their pubes, but a new finding in the study was that instead of admitting that they shaved/waxed/plucked for sexual purposes, many women claimed that they removed hair for hygienic purposes.

Ladies, I don’t know what your high school boyfriend or your favorite porn star told you, but the reason that hair covers our pubic areas is so that it can keep stuff out of our lady parts and protect the skin in the genital area. In fact, it’s even been shown that the bare look’s popularity may have caused a rise in chlamydia among women.

If you want to wax it all off like the majority of women do because it makes you feel sexier, go for it. But don’t tell yourself that it’s for “health purposes” when you’re secretly doing it in hopes of getting laid that night.

Even though Kylie Jenner and Tyga have yet to come out and confirm that they’re officially boyfriend and girlfriend again, seeing as she’s started referring to him as “her husband,” we’re pretty sure it’s a done deal.

On Wednesday while Kylie and her BFF Jordyn Woods were figuring out which fake nails they wanted to glue onto their fingers for the day, Kylie took a second to admire two Egyptian-themed nails and casually remark, “This reminds me of my husband.”

A video posted by Kylie Jenner Snapchats (@kylizzlesnapchats) on Jun 29, 2016 at 5:59pm PDT

Although she didn’t go so far as to call out Tyga by name, seeing his clothing line is full of clothes and jewelry depicting Egyptian pharos, and he named his son King Cairo, it’s a safe assumption that’s who Kylie’s talking about.

The logo for Tyga’s clothing line

The nail art Kylie Jenner was considering

See the similarity?

Cool, us too.

While Kylie’s obviously joking, we can’t help but think of how crazy the ratings would be if Rob and Blac Chyna’s wedding turned into a double one.

Just saying, Mama Kris, it would definitely be worth your while to at least consider it.

[H/T E!]

Even though these days Lindsay Lohan is slaying it in bikinis and hanging out with her 22-year-old billionaire boyfriend, it’s a fair to say we’ll never forget her infamous party girl past.

From DUIs to mandatory trips to the morgue, Lindsay has lived a more colorful life in 29 years than most of us manage in a lifetime.

While Lindsay’s finally put her years of party girl behavior to rest, she’ll probably be digging a lot of it back up for the book she just told Vanity Fair she’s writing.

“I am in the process of writing a book and I am very excited to share my personal experiences in life and how to overcome obstacles. I hope that my words will connect with those who need some guidance when [or] if they are in a tough place.”

Here are 9 scandals we’re crossing our fingers Lindsay Lohan decides to give an official statement on. 

And yes, many of them do involve Paris Hilton.

Sorry not sorry about it.

1. Did Lilo really make out with Paris Hilton’s ex after Paris called her a “coked out whore?”

In May 2006, Lindsay and her BFF Paris were being horrible to each other.

After Paris called Lilo a “coked out whore” and a “loser” in the press, Lindsay reportedly hooked up with Paris‘ ex, Stavros Niarchos, heir to a Greek shipping fortune.

The feud was still going strong when on May 17, Paris and her friend Brandon Davis told the paparazzi that Lindsay had a “firecrotch” that “shits freckles.”

But did Lindsay ever hook up with Stavros, or were she and Paris actually fighting about something else? Our bet is the truth’s a little more complicated.  

2. Did Paris Hilton really hit Lilo with a drink, or was Lilo just trying to start some shit?

On November 26, 2006 Lilo told the paparazzi that the night before at a friend’s house Paris hit her with a drink and that her arm “hurts and it’s not okay.”

However, the next day the paparazzi caught Lindsay partying with Paris and Britney Spears and Lilo ended up going back on her words from the previous night saying, “She’s my friend. Everyone lies about everything. She’s a nice person.”

Did Paris make her say that, or was Lilo telling the truth before? And either way, if her friendship with Paris was so contentious, why did they keep hanging out with each other all the time? 

3. The infamous syringe picture

On September 26, 2010, photos of Lindsay and Paris were released which showed the two frenemies making out in the club. In another more incriminating picture, a seemingly drugged out Lindsay was seen holding a syringe up to her finger.

Obviously we need to know everything, from the first tequila shot to the last bump of cocaine. 

4. The sex list

In 2014, In Touch published a picture they allegedly obtained while Lindsay was staying at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, where the actress made a list of every famous man she’d ever slept with (or at least the 36 who weren’t too drunk to get it up), ranging from the ones we knew, like Wilmer Valderrama, to the ones we didn’t like Heath Ledger, Justin Timberlake, and a Zac Efron. 

While we’re not expecting her to pull a full Wilmer Valderrama and spill the tea on each and every one of her conquests, we do want to know the following things: Why she made it,  if it’s legit, and whether Britney knew her friend had hooked up with her ex or not when they were going out to clubs all the time.

Come on Lilo, would that be so much to ask for?

6. What costs $40,000 at a tanning salon?

In 2011, a tanning salon in Vegas sued Lindsay over a $40,000 tab she’d racked up between 2007 and 2009.

To the best of our knowledge, Lindsay never did get around to paying the bill, and we just have so many questions.

Hopefully, Lilo will address this scandal in the inforgraphic section of her book, so we can see a breakdown of what $40,000 in tanning fees really buys you. 

7. Why did Lilo think skipping her court date was a good idea?

In 2010, Lindsay made headlines for skipping a court date, alleging that she “lost her passport” and wasn’t able to fly in from London.

And then in March of 2013, she did it again, this time skipping out on a flight back to LA so she could see a band called City of the Sun in a nightclub. 

All we want to know is why?

Like we know going to court was probably very boring/upsetting for Lindsay, but especially when you’re trying to get judges to be sympathetic to your judge, why would you ever do anything to piss them off?

Especially for a three person band where none of the boys are even that hot.

8. Why was Lilo looking so damn skinny all the time?

Was it cocaine, Lindsay? Because we think it was cocaine. Don’t do cocaine, kids. 

9. What really happened with Sam Ronson?

Lindsay has described her long-term relationship with DJ Samantha Ronson as “toxic,” which makes sense considering how fucked up Lindsay must have been for most of it, and after they broke up, Lindsay immediately took to blasting her ex for cheating on Twitter.

However, Sam Ronson’s mother has a different explanation: that Lindsay was “psychotic.”

Clearly somebody’s not telling the whole truth about what went down when they decided to call it splits, and we’re desperate for Lilo to spill the tea. 

And while she’s at it, she might as well explain exactly what was going on in this series of pictures:

Can’t wait for your book bb.

YouTube star Gigi Gorgeous has some major makeup skills. Even celebs like Kylie Jenner call upon the vlogger for beauty advice.

Gigi is a powerful, hilarious, and sincere personality, which could be why she’s landed some big name collaborations, including Too Faced and a partnership with Miley Cyrus for Pride Month. Yup, she’s making waves by just being herself.

It’s clear to anyone watching her channel that Gigi is a relatable woman, with a ton of charisma. In the Q+A below, Gigi reveals her pop culture icons, details her dream man, and disses a current makeup trend. Read on!

Who are your pop culture idols?

The first person that comes to mind is Lady Gaga, I’ve loved her since high school. Now that she’s doing TV and stuff, it’s super cool to see her kill another side of the industry. She’s always been so cool and real. I actually have a tattoo of her lyrics on my foot, a line from “Speechlees.” I have on the top of my right foot the words “left me speechless.” I love her activism with the LGBTQ community and she’s always like “be yourself,” “love yourself,” “ live your best life,” and I think those messages are really important.

What made you want to get the tattoo from “Speechless?”

It actually has quite a personal meaning to me! Gaga wrote “Speechless” about her father, and I shared that song with my mom. So that’s definitely the connection, and I got it because it was our favorite song.

Who’s your dream interview?

If I could have anybody on my channel, I would have to pick Lady Gaga… again. I would love to sit down, and pick her brain, and just meet her and talk to her one-on-one because I think she’s so fab.

Describe your type in 3 words:

My type definitely has to be funny! I’m a big humor person. I think that’s the way to anyone’s heart — just making them laugh. Number two: tall, because I’m 5’9” and I love heels and I just like a tall guy. Number three: loyal.

Describe what type you are in 3 words:

I would definitely say I’m a little bit wild. I’m definitely very loving. Like for my friends, and for those I care about, I definitely go hard for them. The third word? Independent for sure. Just in life, I don’t need anybody to do anything for me. Business wise, personal life — I’m ambitious, I’m creative. I need someone to understand that I get what I want [laughing].

What’s the biggest turnoff for you?

Maybe when a guy talks about themselves too much. I’ve been on so many first dates recently where the guys just talk about their life so much. And I am always am so perplexed. Like why do you keep talking about yourself? You’re supposed to be getting to know me. We’re supposed to be talking about us, not just randomness. It’s like ok, that’s cool. That’s a turnoff for sure, because it leaves me bored.

What’s a new trend coming in right now that you’re super excited about?

I definitely am seeing a lot of 70s stuff and I’ve been so into the 90s recently that I’m excited to try all the 70s fashion. The fringe moment… I’m ready to dive into the 70s.

How are you gonna make it work with your super glam style?

I’m def gonna take bits and pieces and put it into my style. You don’t see me every day, I don’t look put together all the time. It’s a very day to day look, au naturel. Going to work, to the mall… I love the glam, so we’ll have to merge the two.

What’s a new trend coming out you’re not gonna touch with a 10 foot pole?

I cannot deal with all the blue eyeshadow going on. No shade to anybody — I was actually at the Jeremy Scott show in NY and they did blue eyeshadow which was so cool for the runway. It looked amazing because the line was all about neon colors. But I’m seeing blue eyeshadow and I’m like I could never — it would totally clash with my eyes.

What’s one article of clothing you wear way too much because you’ll love it forever?

I love little, simple dresses. No particular brand, but I love day dresses, bodycon dresses that go right above the knee. This is gonna sound so crazy, but I’ve been loving my Guiseppe not zip sneakers. I don’t wear them all the time, but they’re so comfy! Any time I’m going to the airport, or anything as simple as walking my dog, I always put them on because they’re so easy to wear and I love them.

Favorite music for summer road trips?

I love pop music, but it’s so funny because I’m at a shoot right now, and on the way here I was listening to Good Charlotte and Sum 41. I’m just a teenager forever. I love Britney Spears’ pop music. I have to go through my playlist. But anything fun and pop-y.

What are some of the main differences between L.A. and Toronto, where you grew up?

So many differences! Number one, the atmosphere. The weather and stuff is super different, but the people also. Everyone here in L.A. is in entertainment or linked in some way, but in Canada it’s kind of rare that you find somebody in the entertainment industry just because there’s so many different facets. Everyone here in LA is on that. I’ve been coming out here for years before I moved, so I knew what I was getting myself into. I definitely love being bicoastal.

Differences between dating in L.A.and Toronto?

So many more models here in L.A. I swear, 90% of guys here model. But in Toronto, I would say… maybe guys are more down to Earth. Just more normal in Toronto. Guys can be a little bit full of themselves here.

Do you like models or hell no?

I can get into it, but it’s not my first pick.

How do you meet guys? Apps?

Oh god no. I was thinking about joining Raya cause a couple of my friends are so obsessed, but I never ended up getting around to it. I just meet guys like… okay it’s so funny, I drive a yellow Mustang and I call it the dick magnet, because literally wherever I go, the gas station… anywhere… guys will be asking to pump my gas. They’re like, wow is that your car? I have it all blinged out, my name on the back, so they’re super into it and it’s definitely an ice breaker. So I just have to go out for a drive to meet a guy.

How did you pick that car?

I wanted a Mustang for forever, it’s kind of like my little California dream to be driving a Mustang. The only thing I didn’t get is the convertible. It only came in a soft top and I was disappointed because I didn’t like how it looks, so yeah… it was an easy pick. And then I went to West Coast Customs to get it pimped it out.

If you could be any Spice Girl, which would you be?

Baby! Yeah, I mean duh. If I wasn’t blonde I’d have to pick Posh, but I can’t. Baby’s my OG. I love the movie and I had her cassette growing up.

Any TV shows you love binge watching?

I’ve been obsessed with Empire. I’ve had no time to watch TV recently, but I love Empire. I loved the OJ show even though it was a little bit dark and I get scared very easily and don’t watch scary movies. Friends is always a classic. I watched that on the plane the other day.

What’s a fact about you people would be surprised about?

The only thing coming to my head is the fact I’ve been so into rock music recently. No classic rock, just like boy bands. Like punk and ska. I don’t know! I just feel like in Paris I got so into it. I like the attitude behind it.

What’s the best celeb encounter you’ve had?

I actually was at a friends B-day party and I ran into Nick Jonas. I’ve had a little crush on him since Jonas Brothers days, so I was kinda dying. We were talking and I had to pinch myself for a second.

What’s a typical day for you?

If I’m filming a YouTube video that day at my house or on location somewhere, usually the day is surrounded by that. Or if I have a meeting or anything like that, same thing. But since Youtube has no deadline, like to post, some days I have off. If I’m not traveling I like to spend the day with my dog and my friends and just live my life.

Are you a big partier?

I love going out to dinners and stuff like that, going to the beach, it’s getting hotter out thank god. I love going to the beach because I’m not from anywhere that has nice beaches, so I def take advantage of that.

Go-to swimwear?

Triangle. They actually just came out with a Gigi bikini so I have to go get it. It’s coincidentally just called Gigi, so I was like… omg are you kidding me!

What are your thoughts on a monokini?

Oh I love it, are you kidding? OMG no, I love it. Like with high waisted shorts for a pool party or something? So cute.

Are you into tanning?

I am, I used to way back in the day do the tanning beds for like a year, but I haven’t done that in so so long. I’m definitely into the spray tan, I think it’s just healthier and I love the instant color that it gives me. I remember when I went to tanning beds back in high school, I got so dark and I used to put that sticker on and see how dark I would get. I was obsessed, it was like an addiction. I used the little heart and I put it right by my hip area.

Photos by Prince + Jacob

Interview by Molly Mulshine

We have all envied her since 2003, when reality television was at it’s prime with “The Simple Life” and fashion was at its lowest with Von Dutch hats and Juicy Couture track suits. But, if we’re being honest here, Paris Hilton is so much more than just the bling, she’s also a queen on the dating scene.

Paris has the most extensive dating history of any celeb EVER, and to be honest, she should be proud of this rap sheet. A lot of these dudes are just the most random, left-field bros. From Greek shipping heirs, to models, to athletes, Paris has literally done it all.

So, we put together an comprehensive history and timeline of Paris’s romances so you don’t have to do any of the guess work. So hot. 

Paris and Randy Spelling

1996:

When Paris was 15, she met a 17 year-old Randy Spelling in 1996 and they dated “for like two months” Randy says. Randy was the son and heir of Aaron Spelling, who was owner of the Spelling Television Production Company. And yes, that also makes him Tori Spelling’s brother. He was her first boyfriend. He claims he was the first one Paris slept with, and she never denied it.

Paris and Rick Salomon

1999-2000:

There was never a lot of news about this relationship, but Paris dated actor Edward Furlong, who was in “Terminator 2” and got an MTV Movie Award for Best Breakthrough Role before dropping off the face of the earth never to be heard from again, from late 1999 until early 2000.

In 2000, Paris and Rick Salomon, the ex-husband of Beverly Hills 90210’s Shannen Doherty, dated when she was only 19 years old. Rick was the guy who made and then sold their famous sex tape which leaked in 2003. The controversial video was called, “1 Night in Paris”, and it led to many MANY lawsuits.

Paris and Jason Shaw

2001:

Paris was dating and then eventually engaged to Jason Shaw. Whether the relationship started in mid-2001 or mid-2002 has never been clear, but until early in 2003, she dated the fashion model for Tommy Hilfiger. Kathy Hilton, Paris’ mother, has said that of all of the men Paris has dated, Jason was her favorite.

Paris and Nick Carter

2002-2004:

After that, Paris moved on to actor, musician, director and painter Vincent Gallo briefly in 2002. He actually wrote a song about her called, “I Wrote This Song for the Girl Paris Hilton,” that was released in 2001. Not weird at all? Then she dated Sum 41 frontman Deryck Whibley before Avril Lavigne got to him.

Paris began a drama-filled relationship with Nick Carter that lasted until 2004. Nick called Paris a “bad influence” on him. He was struggling with drug addiction and substance abuse, and blamed her for his relapses. Not cool, Nick.

Paris and Paris Latsis

2005-2007:

This guys seems to be the only one who even got close to becoming her husband. Paris was dating and engaged to Greek shipping heir and socialite Paris Latsis from May of 2005 until November of 2005. They met in Monaco at a club when they were teenagers, and rekindled their affair in December of 2004 while skiing in Switzerland. He gave Paris an “I Love You” ring, and then in May of 2005, he gave her an engagement ring of 23 carats, one carat for each year of her life. She broke off the engagement because she felt like she was too young. It was reported that the ring was worth almost $5 million, and that she tried to give it back.

Then she dated yet ANOTHER Greek shipping heir, Stavros Nicharos, for a few months after the broken engagement to Paris Latsis. They broke up in May 2006.

After all the Greek heirs, Paris switched back to American hotties. Here’s just a sampling of the rumored list of men that Paris had flings with in this period: Brandon Davis in July 2006; Travis Barker in September 2006; Andy Roddick in October 2006; Josh Henderson in March 2007, DJ AM in September 2007; Brody Jenner in December 2007; Jared Leto in 2008; Benji Madden in 2008, and Cristiano Ronaldo in June 2009.

Paris and Doug Reinhardt

2009-2010:

When she decided to get serious again, Paris dated ex-baseball star Doug Reinhardt from February 2009 until April 2010. Their relationship was apparently violent — Doug was photographed choking Paris after an argument. After that break-up, she started talking to Jason Shaw again, possibly rekindling their romance, but nothing ever came of it.

Paris dated Cy Waits from August of 2010 until June of 2011. The two were arrested together that August: Paris on suspicion of cocaine possession and Cy for allegedly driving while under the influence. When two broke up, it was because Paris only wanted to “be friends.”

Paris and Afrojack

2011-2014:

Then for a bit in 2011, Paris was with Todd Phillips, who directed the “Hangover” movies. From November 2011 until January 2012, Paris dated Afrojack, a Dutch DJ. The two were working on Paris’ new album when allegedly, Paris was getting more serious about their relationship than Afrojack, and he ended their relationship after 6 months.

Paris then dated River Viiperi, a pretty-boy Finnish-Spanish model, from September of 2012 until mid 2014. She is eleven years older than him, which I feel like would be creepier if it weren’t Paris. The two broke up after Paris was caught kissing someone else on the beach in Malibu. Happens to the best of us. That someone else was Josh Upshaw, a smokin’ hot model she was with for a few weeks. Savageeee.

Paris and Thomas Gross

2016:

The most recent of the heiress’s relationships was with Thomas Gross, which just came to an end back in April. She met him at Cannes Film Festival last year and according to sources, he was much more private than she was, and he hated cameras. Bummer.

She even said while dating Thomas Gross, “One day I’d love to get married and have kids,” Paris told Closer. “I see how happy Nicky is. That’s the true meaning of life: to find the love of your life and start a family.”

Oh Paris, we hope you eventually find true love and get to settle down with your dream man and 50 million chihuahuas if that’s what you really want. Just please turn it into a reality show, we miss “The Simple Life.”

If you’ve ever desperately searched for a dress last minute for a prom, a wedding, or a special event, you’ve probably perused Rent The Runway.

No offense to anyone who swears by Rent The Runway, but their selection has never been my style. Every time I search their pages and pages of dresses, I find myself thinking that their style is more in line with my mom’s than mine. It’s not that the dresses aren’t cute, some are alright, I’ve just always dressed a bit more wild, or edgy, and I like to show a lot of skin. Besides, why pay $100 or more to borrow a dress that will look like everyone else’s?

No matter how boring or basic Rent The Runway’s selection is, you can’t deny that their shit is convenient. Showing up at an event looking like Taylor Swift pre-Anna Wintour makeover is at least better than wearing the same thing you wore to a formal last weekend and already Instagrammed.

But there’s a new rental app called Armarium that, although it’s pricier than RTR, has way cooler options.

If Rent The Runway is Kate Middleton, Armarium is Rihanna. Alexandra Lind Rose and Trisha Gregory, who were friends first, business partners second, came together to create Armarium after styling VIPs together at Ferragamo for years.

They decided slightly more broke women deserve to feel the magic of getting dressed in something fancy, too, so they started a business to give everyone more access to designer clothes that don’t look like they came from Loft.

Granted, most dresses on Armarium still cost a renter upwards of $150 for just three days of wear. But considering what the dresses would retail at in Barney’s or Bergdorf’s, it’s a steal. Besides, Trisha knows that for her customer, time is money, and just like Trisha and Alexandra, Armarium’s customer is a girl boss.

An additional benefit of Armarium’s services that could possibly justify the price tag is their personal styling and wardrobe consultation with their experienced stylists. Armarium boasts stylists that have dressed major celebrities or worked at magazines like Nylon and Vogue, all with a minimum of five years experience.

The app launched privately in April, and I had the chance to try Armarium for myself in early June. The app was easy and awesome, which is exactly how I felt when I seductively slid into the cut-out Mugler dress I had picked out for myself that weekend.

I rented the Anndra Neen Nazar Cage Clutch, a Mugler Cutout Dress With Metal Attachings, and Alessandra Rich Pearl Heart & Bow Earrings.

The package was dropped at my apartment building the day before the event I was planning on wearing the dress to, and luckily, it fit! The only mishap was that I was sent the wrong pair of earrings, but considering how amazing the dress and bag was, I could live with it. The risqué dress also came with a slip underneath, which was a pleasant surprise so that now I could be a little less sexy if I wanted to (spoiler: I didn’t want to be less sexy).

The Mugler dress and me feeling fucking fabulous

I had an awesome weekend feeling like I was the type of women who would afford and rock a $3,775 dress, and I got a ridiculous amount of compliments. While compliments are always welcome, it was slightly awkward when someone asked me where I got the dress. I had the option to either lie and sound bougie af, or tell the truth and sound less glam for it. When Sunday came along, I was sad to say goodbye and felt a little bit like Cinderella when her carriage turns back into a pumpkin, but I got over it and made my boyfriend carry the box to the post office because I didn’t feel like scheduling a pick-up.

I’m not the only one who’s been pleased with my Armarium experience, but unlike me (who couldn’t even normally afford to rent the Mugler dress, let alone buy it), many women are repeat customers, with the Armarium’s average customer return rate hovering around 30%.

Obviously these repeat customers are at a very different income level and live a very different lifestyle than I do, which probably explains why Armarium is setting up a pop-up shop in the Hamptons this summer and not in my neighborhood.

Trying out Armarium as a journalist was awesome, but if I was just a plain old customer, there’s no way I could’ve shelled out the $450 that it cost to rent the dress. $450 is only a little bit less than what I currently pay monthly for rent, and to pay that for something I wouldn’t even get to keep sounds outrageous to me. Maybe if I had a sugar daddy, or mistakenly got invited to The Met Ball.

Instead, when I have a formal event I’ll likely browse the Nasty Gal sale section, check out a consignment shop, or call up my BFF that’s my size. But, when I’m older, have my bank account in order, and have tons of fabulous events to attend (because that’s what everyone dreams of), Armarium seems like an awesome way to snag a one-night-stand of a knockout dress that you can guarantee nobody else will be wearing.

Like Trisha said, it’s kind of like being a celebrity borrowing a dress for a red carpet even – except you still have to pay for it.

“So often people see high-priced runway pieces they would love to wear for that one special occasion, but might not have the budget to actually purchase,” explains Trisha. “With Armarium, that once-in-a-lifetime is now not out of reach.”

Hannah Sidibe starts crying when she talks about Prince featuring her song, “I’m Only Dreaming” on his personally-curated Purple Pick of The Week playlist.

“I’d just been feeling really down at the time, and I actually tweeted, do you believe in signs? that day. It was April 10,” she says. Sidibe is wearing a gold jacket and has a lightning bolt shaved into her close-cropped haircut, so upon meeting her, it’s pretty clear why Prince would be into her vibe.

We sat down for our interview at the Record Parlour, an awesome vinyl shop in Hollywood, to talk records, what it feels like when Prince approves of your work, and what makes her feel sexy. Hint: it’s not relationships.

What was the last vinyl find you were super psyched on?

I just discovered Carla Bley. She looks like Daryl Hannah in Blade Runner, but she’s a composer, and she’s just amazing.

Where do you live?

I moved into Hollywood 8 years ago. My mom is a wildlife biologist, and she has the flexibility to transfer, so we came here with music in mind. I had already been writing, and had been singing my entire life in church, but when we moved here, it was so I could focus on my music professionally.

Is church where you learned to sing?

It’s definitely where I learned to sing with other people, but I was born with my gift, I’ve always been a singer.

And how’d you get your record deal?

I had been working at Whole Foods, and there was this couple I’d always see there. After I quit, I ran into them one day, and they were like, why aren’t you at Whole Foods anymore? I told them I’d been trying to sing, and they asked me to sing for them, which I did, and they ended up sending my stuff over to Universal Music! So I got my record deal in a really classic kind of way.

That’s amazing. And then what happened?

So then I moved to London, and put together a list of all these people I wanted to work with, and then got started living this amazing, cool life that Universal made possible for me.  It was such a good and necessary experience though. It came down to them spending almost a million dollars on my record, and then eventually, you know, they wanted me to put out a song that I just didn’t think I could get behind. So that was kind of it.

How do you think Prince found your song?

Maybe through Okayplayer? There was a feature they put out, but to be honest I’m not sure. His team never contacted me, he never reached out… he has a curated playlist, and he’d share one song per week, and he’d usually share his own music, or the classics, and then he shared mine.

That’s amazing. Especially because Prince wasn’t the kind of artist that would do that for just anyone. 

Yeah. I had hoped that would happen in my life, but didn’t expect that it would happen then.

Who are some of your other influences?

Oh, so that was also the thing about the record deal. I’ve always know what kind of sound I want, and at the time, I really wanted to be making 90s R&B But the label wasn’t into it. Which is funny because that’s kind of what’s coming out right now. I love a lot of the classics though… Sade especially.

Yeah, why do people love Sade so much?

She’s feminine, and she’s classy. And the band created a sound that doesn’t exist. Sade is for sure a band with a specific sound.

Oh, I totally didn’t realize that. That makes sense. Where do you draw inspiration for your songs?

Definitely my life. I’m definitely a hopeless — or hopeful romantic! — Stories, relationships, encounters… I like to feel sexy, and happy, so that influences how I write and sing. And that’s how people tell me the music makes them feel, so that’s good.

Do relationships make you feel sexy?

No. Definitely not.

That’s such a bummer.

I know! I’m being super honest. You have to have that on your own. Especially on this journey — I mean, I hate when artists make it about their responsibility or whatever… I don’t feel like it comes from a relationship. But those feelings of love are exciting.

I guess the feeling of love is what makes you want to be happy.

It gives you the feeling and the desire to connect, and the desire to be desired is exciting. Those feelings make you happy. I mean, nothing can make you happy unless you’re happy. But a good relationship can help with that.

So what things do make you happy?

Record shopping [laughing]. Record shopping makes me happy.

If you can’t orgasm during sex, there’s a good chance that it’s all in your head.

Guys rarely have these problems, because their brain and dick co-exist, but we women are worried about how we look naked, stressing about all the work we have to get done after this quickie, or thinking about if the guy we’re banging is just using us to get his dick wet.

I’d never had a problem letting my mind go blank during sex, and because of that, it’d never been an issue having one, two, or three orgasms. I’d always been pretty chill and never stressed, partly because I know how to prioritize, but also because I didn’t have that much to freak out about aside from schoolwork.

In my last year of college, I started stressing constantly. Between 4-5 part-time jobs, my schoolwork, figuring out what I was going to do with my life, and how I was going to financially support myself; I barely had time to get horny.

When my boyfriend and I did find time for sex, I felt like I wasn’t present in the moment. I was always worrying about a deadline, or tomorrow’s hectic schedule rather than focusing on the dick that I was riding. Needless to say, I hardly ever orgasmed.

I was convinced that the reason I hadn’t been myself during sex was because of my inability to allow my mind to go blank, like I normally would have — I thought that meditating could help.

I’d always loved the few minutes of savasana at the end of yoga class, so I figured that meditation might be similar. Honestly, who doesn’t love laying flat on the ground and making their mind go blank while a yogi whispers calming mantras?

While I perused the internet for some type of meditation practice to follow, I decided on Faith Hunter’s 30 Day Meditation Challenge. It had a new video for every day of the challenge, so I wouldn’t get bored, and it gave me some type of guidance and instruction each day. Because lord knows, I had no fucking clue how to meditate on my own.

Ironically, on my first official day of meditating, I was in Vegas on the last day of a trip where I was crashing on a friend’s couch. While my host napped in his bed, I meditated on the living room floor. I made sure to turn the sound down to just where I needed to hear it. Not because I was worried about waking him, but because getting caught meditating sounded super embarrassing. Like, I’d almost rather be caught masturbating. I don’t know why I was so embarrassed, but it sounded so new-age, real housewives-esque to me. Not super cool, like I always try to portray myself, obvi.

Once I got home, it became easier to meditate, and I was pretty into it. It was nice to have 10 minutes of the day where I wasn’t getting anything done, just sitting on my bed listening to Faith Hunter’s calming voice tell me how to get rid of stress by exhaling.

On Day 8 or so, Faith decided to change things up, and so we did a standing meditation. I was kind of pissed. Like, wasn’t the whole point of meditation to be cozied up in my bed half-asleep? I didn’t want to get up and I definitely didn’t want to raise my arms during my breathe exercises. In fact, when I did go along with it, I ended up feeling nauseous. Thankfully, that was the last and only time we did standing meditation in the 30 day challenge.

On Day 13 we were “goal setting,” so I focused on thinking about how I wanted to be horny again, to initiate sex, to have an awesome orgasm. When Faith asked us to visualize ourselves reach our goal, I visualized myself on my boyfriend’s dick. I got pretty horny, to be honest, which was a good sign.

After taking a weekend trip for my friend’s birthday, I realized that I had skipped three days of meditating… oops. Surprisingly, as soon as I got home, I found myself super horny. I called my boyfriend over specifically for sex, which was the first time in like… months.

By now, I was skeptical of meditating, considering that I got the horniest once I had stopped. I also realized that I wasn’t truly letting my mind go blank during my meditation sessions anymore, I was thinking about what I was going to do after I was done meditating, or what I was going to eat for breakfast.

On Day 18, we did “pilates style” meditating, which essentially meant doing abs before meditating. This was not what I signed up for, and it was very difficult to do in my bed, which made me realize maybe I shouldn’t have been doing any of this meditation shit in my bed.

Or maybe it wasn’t working because I kept skipping days accidentally? You’d be surprised how hard it is to remember/find time to meditate everyday. Especially when it’s the last thing on your list of priorities (like it was for me).

I enjoyed our time while it lasted, but my sex life hasn’t really changed, and I’m not going to continue meditating. Maybe when I’m really, really stressed or really, really bored; but meditating didn’t change my life or my sex life, and ain’t nobody got time for that. Sorry, Faith.

Working in a prominent lingerie boutique, it’s been really interesting getting to observe the different nuances in people’s respective desires and turn-ons. While some men have no particular preference or don’t even care for lingerie in the first place, others are incredibly specific, refusing to look at anything but silk, or lace, or in some cases even certain colors. For example, I had one client come by saying that whatever I showed her, it had to be a combination of red and black, otherwise her guy simply wouldn’t be interested. I love intriguing little psychological things like that, especially relating to sex, because you know that buried deep down, there’s some super fascinating source to the fetish. 

Even in my own four-year relationship, there are little tidbits about what gets my man going that I’m only now really picking up on. From the start, being a lingerie enthusiast by nature, I was always trying to incorporate ensembles into my seduction rituals, and it worked, but never really the way I’d thought it would. I’d spend forever putting on some elaborate look, with feminine frills and suspenders and lace and heels and robes, but I think it was just too over the top. Spontaneity is what’s truly sexy, and some of that gets lost in trying too hard to please. Plus, what appeals to a female’s sensibility is certainly not always what appeals to a male’s, and that’s fine. He would always seem like he didn’t know what to do with all of it, and there would be this awkward moment of hesitation that would silently disrupt the entire vibe. Little by little though, I started picking up on the things I’d notice stronger reactions to, like body stockings or anything fishnet. And I’d say that it’s not even so much about how it looks—which is hot as fuck, by the way—but more so the physical sensation.

Right at the start of us dating, there was a night I vaguely remember, chilling on the couch with him and talking about this and that. I’d asked something along the lines of what turned him on in a female, and he mentioned stockings and thigh highs, relating it back to when he was a kid, watching the schoolgirls flood out of Catholic school. That always struck a chord with me in the best way possible. There was just something about it—a lust so natural and pure, I couldn’t help but be turned on by it myself. Ever since, I’ve really tried to hone in on exploring the root of his proclivity; and the more I try, the more I realize how simple it truly is.

Don’t get me wrong—he adores the fishnet body stockings. For one, it’s the stretchiness of the material, the enticing contrast of that harsh diamond pattern cutting across the suppleness of plump skin. If used properly, it can help turn you into a human yo-yo. And what dude doesn’t secretly want to see their girl bust out into a stripper? But recently, I’ve noticed that my non-sexy hosiery is where his true interest seems to lie. Just my boring black sheers, or a five-year-old pair of holey fishnets used strictly for layering under little black dresses. I’ll yank all my shit off at the end of the day, plop down on the couch, and then his hands will creep onto my legs and thighs almost mindlessly, magnetically, petting the nylon smoothness and squeezing like it’s a taught stress ball.

One day, surprised by his voracity in a pair of said tights, his roaming hands led us straight to our bedroom, and I feel it’s the most sexually synced I’ve ever been with someone. There was something so effortless about it—just pure, raw desire, unforced, stemming from a place deep down that few ever have the pleasure to experience. Feeling his strong hands run up and down me in the darkness, then shredding apart the material covering the best parts, it was like unlocking some cheat in a video game that boosts all your shit up to the max.

Now, any time I get a run in a pair of stockings, I place them in a bag separate from my wearable stock: a bag full of things that can be worn for purposes of destruction. Knowing all too well what I’m doing, I’ll slip a pair on to parade around the house in, a tear forming ripples over the curve of an ass cheek (hiking them allll the way up to lift every crevice), and then watch as he sneaks secret glimpses. I’ve had to throw away at least five pairs already this month. Hoping to make it 10 by April.

Whether you get horrible cramps or not, have a heavy or light flow, or get bloated af on your period, there’s one thing that every girl can agree on. No chick wants to get her period when she’s headed to the beach.

It’s one thing to be visited by Aunt Flo when you’re chilling in some jeans or yoga pants, but when you’re bleeding from your vag and you have to essentially wear underwear in public, it’s not exactly “relaxing” like the beach is supposed to be.

Sure, you can be like me and have your mom teach you how to put in a tampon the night before your BFF’s sixth grade graduation pool party, but even if you already know how to use a tampon, it’s tough to feel secure when there’s a cotton tail hanging out of your lady bits. Here’s our cheat sheet to rocking a bikini during the time of the month when you just wanna lay in bed.

1. You Need To Cut It

O.T. Genasis should totally come out with a summer period themed remix of his hit that’ll go like: “That tampon string too long, you need to cut it.” But, even if he doesn’t, cutting your tampon is a good way to be able to breathe on the beach without worrying that your tampon string is going to flop out of your bikini bottom like some rogue seaweed washing ashore.

Allegedly, the taking scissors to your tampon trick is a stripper devised mechanism for when they still have to pop their pussies regardless of Aunt Flo’s wishes. Either way, it’s simple and genius.

2. Choose a Less Risqué Bikini Bottom

Even if you’ve got an ass like Nicki’s and want to rock G-strings all summer long, you should probably invest in at least one or two bikini bottoms that give you a little more coverage, preferably in black or a dark color.

If your bikini bottom is big enough, you can throw a liner on so that you feel extra secure on your heaviest days, it just means that you can’t go in the water. Which reminds me…

3. Skip Swimming

Sorry, I know it sucks, but if you’re insecure about being on your period in a bikini you should stay out of the water. First off, sharks are attracted to blood (jk, kinda). Second off, the idea of your tampon getting waterlogged with nasty ocean or pool water doesn’t sound that sanitary.

Plus, sitting around in a wet bikini bottom already ups your chances of getting a yeast infection, and  a wet panty liner or tampon will not help that cause.

4. Pick a Butt Buddy

What’s the point of going to the beach with your BFF if you can’t ask her to watch your butt all day to make sure that it stays dry and free of tampon strings? You can return the favor when it’s her time of the month.

5. Ditch The Organic Tampons

Organic tampons truly have their benefits, but absorbing your heavy flow isn’t one of them.

Going organic is cool if you’re wearing something that won’t showcase your blood stains, but for dire situations like your crush’s pool party, stick to your heavy duty drugstore brand. Chemicals are in everything we use for a reason, y’all.

6. Choose Your Beach Wisely

Alright, we’ve all peed in the ocean before because we’re degenerates, but changing your tampon on the beach is a different ball game.

Some of the “super chill” secluded beaches that your new surfer BF is going to take you to this summer definitely don’t have real bathrooms. If you’re totes down to change your bloody tampon behind a palm tree while hanging with bae, go for it.

But if you’re less than down to fling your tampon to the wind, then make sure whatever beach you’re going to offers a public restroom, or at least some sort of public establishment nearby where the hostess will understand your #periodproblemz and let you use the bathroom without buying anything.

Did you know that when Khloé Kardashian was 16 years old, she decided she’d had enough of Mama Kris’s Kontrolling Klaws and decided she’d rather move out and go live with boys?

And can you believe that Kris actually let her baby daughter go out and live her bro fantasy?

What a fucking CHILL mom.

“I was rebellious and having an annoying time at home,” Khloé explained on her website. “My parents didn’t want me to leave, but I was a little brat.” 

Not to mention a little bro-in-training.

Khloé immediately moved into the apartment of an “older man,” but before you get excited, she lived with there with his family and was just his live-in “personal assistant.”

Honestly, besides stressing that “it wasn’t intimate,” Khloé didn’t provide any additional details, so we’re guessing that Mama Kris probably set this one up. Think about it: who hires a 16-year-old to be their live-in personal assistant?

Then, after a year, Khloé ditched that scene to go move in with her bro, the rapper with a notoriously large penis, The Game, and a few of his friends in what we can only assume was a bro palace.

Again, she stressed that the situation was NOT ROMANTIC, but that “we were all friends.”

Yeah, best friends who like to drink beer, play video games and sit around in basketball shorts, playing with their balls and talking about which girls they’d like to fuck (A.K.A. every girl they’ve had more than a 5 second interaction with in the past two weeks).

In a 2015 interview with E!, The Game basically confirmed all this says, “Before you guys knew her as ‘Khloé Kardashian,’ she was just like the tomboy Kardashian. She was cool. She could come hangout with us and chill. It was never about that.”

So there you have it.

Before Khloé Kardashian was famous, she used to be a hardcore bro.

Happens to the best of us.

[H/T Khloé Kardashian’s Website]

No matter how “peacefully” you ended your last relationship, nobody minds getting a little bit of revenge on your ex. Maybe you want to slash his tires and carve the word “cheater” into his leather seat a la Carrie Underwood, or maybe you simply just want to see him downgrade.

For Heather*, 19, karma did the job for her. After a controlling and upsetting relationship with her ex, Heather bounced and let karma hit her shitty ex where it hurts– in the balls. Here’s her story, as told to Ashley Uzer.

So, he was 24 for starters, so the age difference was kind of weird on his part – I was only 18. He constantly lied to me and made me feel like I was always doing something wrong when really he was the problem in the relationship. He would try to make me feel like I needed him and that I was lucky to have someone older looking out for me.

After we got in a fight one day, he booked a trip to Panama City, Florida, for spring break with his friends without telling me. That break I was getting surgery and he didn’t even care. He was drunk the whole time and ignored me. I later found out that he cheated on me while he was there… He also broke a rib while there because he looked down at his phone while walking to ignore my call and ate shit (karma’s first attack on him).

When he got back from his trip he dumped me for “being clingy.” A week or so later I met my current boyfriend and we started hanging out a lot. My ex saw pictures of me at [my sorority] formal with him and that’s when he started asking for me back. He’s still mad that I moved on so fast.

Me and my my ex had been broken up for about two months now. By that point, he still wanted me back and I had already started hooking up with my new boyfriend and just wanted him to go away. The night before my birthday he was bombing my phone telling me he was in the hospital and that he wanted to talk to me. I ignored him all day, it wasn’t until midnight and he called me that I finally spoke to him. He told me how much he still loved me and how he fucked up, blah, blah, blah. I wanted nothing to do with it. Then, he began talking about why he was in the hospital.

He told me he had been chasing his nephew around by the pool earlier in the day and he slipped and fell into a split position and hit his dick on the side of the pool. His balls swelled up so big that they needed to perform surgery to get the swelling to go down. Turns out, they needed to remove 1/3 of his ball, otherwise the swelling wouldn’t have gone down and he would’ve lost circulation to his balls and possibly lost them both. He was kind enough to send me a dick pic of his disgusting swollen dick and said “don’t worry it’ll still be big.”

After that day, I didn’t speak to him for a long time. About a month later, he kept bugging me while I was working. I just wanted him to go away, but he wouldn’t. To make him go away I texted him saying I was busy with a guy and to leave me alone. His response was, “Oh, no worries, I’ll let you get some… I’ve been having lots of a sex since my surgery, turns out girls still love my dick.”

Now, whenever he tries to contact me I just ask him how his mini ball is. It’s safe to say karma got the best of him.

All month long, Galore is exploring what it truly means to be #blessed, mind, body, and soul. Click here for more health and wellness content.

Let me just say this right now and get it over with: it’s really hard to follow Victoria’s Secret diets.

Like on a scale from 1 to becoming president, it’s a solid 8.

To be honest, when I first pitched this assignment, I didn’t think it would be. I thought to myself, “I watch what I eat. I’m a size 4. I’ve been on a more or less constant diet for my whole life. How much different could it possibly be to eat like a different Victoria’s Secret model for a month?”

Answer: different.

Very different.

And incredibly, mind-numbingly boring.

Week 1: The Behati Prinsloo Diet

I started off my month of hell dieting with VS Angel Behati Prinsloo’s diet for a couple reasons.
#1: We’re the same age
#2: She’s married to my dream man
#3: It seemed like the most challenging, so why not get it out of the way first?

This is what Behati Prinsloo eats everyday:

BREAKFAST: 1 6oz package of One Lucky Duck Vanilla Crispies (which consists of buckwheat, vanilla extract, and agave)
LUNCH: 5-oz. grilled chicken breast added to an Organic Avenue kale quinoa salad
SNACK: a handful of raw almonds, pumpkin seeds and goldenberries
DINNER: 6 pieces tuna and salmon sashimi and sushi with brown rice, no soy sauce

Already, I realized I was going to have to make some modifications because:
#1: One Lucky Duck closed all of its stores in NYC
#2: Even if they didn’t, seeing as one package of crispies costs $8.50, buying 7 of them sure as fuck wasn’t going to happen
#3: Likewise, I couldn’t afford to buy sushi or Organic Avenue salads every day

This is what I was going to eat every day:

BREAKFAST: 6-oz. of organic buckwheat groats with two teaspoons of agave
LUNCH: 2 scrambled eggs with half an avocado on a slice of whole wheat toast (which I read Behati ate sometimes here)
SNACK: a handful of almonds
DINNER: 6-oz. of seitan (have I mentioned that I’m a vegetarian already) with 1 cup of raw kale, 1/2 cup of quinoa with olive oil and lemon dressing.

Is your stomach already seizing up just thinking of this caloric nightmare?

Good. It should be.

I also resolved to do yoga twice a week for one hour, because that’s what Behati says she does, and for once, that’s a Victoria’s Secret fitness regime that sounds like something I can definitely handle.

DAY 1

MORNING

I’m honestly surprised by how satisfying my bowl of buckwheat groats is. Like all hail the power of a little agave and cinnamon to transform something that tastes like health into something I actually want to gobble down while writing about whether or not Drake and Hailey Baldwin are fucking.

AFTERNOON

After eating lunch, I feel surprisingly full, but but by 5:45 I feel so hungry that I could punch myself for ever agreeing to do this story in the first place. I know I have a handful of almonds alloted to me as a snack, but I’m trying to save that for dessert, so I decide to drink some coconut water to tide me over, which seems like a really great idea until I actually opened my mouth to drink said coconut water and I remembered something crucial: I hate coconut water.

Over the course of the next half hour, I repeatedly tried to force myself to take more than one baby sip at a time, but realized that I would have to be a lot hungrier for that to work.

So I make a deal with myself: I’ll have half of my almonds now and half later. I have literally never been so psyched to eat some almonds. Like, maybe I need to add them to my list of favorite foods, that’s how exciting this moment is for me.

Reminder: I have been dieting for LESS THAN 10 HOURS, people!

EVENING

By the time 8 p.m. rolls around, I’m not starving yet, but I also realize I’m not going to get any less hungry, so I make my way to the kitchen and proceed to do literally every singe thing I can to procrastinate making a kale salad that I seriously doubt will tide me over for the rest of the night.

Less than an hour later, I sit down to my kale salad, which is bland as fuck because I forgot to buy lemons from the store, but it’s actually okay. Full disclosure, I’m pretty sure I used too much kale, but I was so hungry that I didn’t feel like measuring and whatever because it’s just kale. Surprisingly, I feel full and vaguely content.

But by 11 p.m., this feeling of fullness fades, and I become so hungry and unable to concentrate on the puzzle I’m working on with my boyfriend (lame, I know) that I resolve to go to bed early and try to sleep it off.

Day 2

Not feeling full after my buckwheat this morning. Have a really bad feeling about what the rest of my day will be like.

Sure enough, by 10 a.m., I’m already hungry and by 10:54 a.m. my stomach is audibly gurgling, which makes me feel like the cutest person in the coffee shop.

AFTERNOON

By noon, I don’t know what happened, but my hunger has finally subsided. Again, it’s a miracle.

An hour later, I break down and eat lunch and unsurprisingly, I also don’t feel super full after this meal, but getting to eat three different things that taste so delicious and full of flavor feels luxurious in a way I don’t think I’ve properly appreciated before. In a couple of hours, when I’m rolling on the floor with hunger pains, I’ll try and remember my moment of happiness.

By 2:30, I can’t even help it, I need to eat half my  almonds now or I will explode.

Scratch that, I need all the almonds.

By 5:36 PM, the hunger is really starting to get to me. I’ve already eaten all my almonds for the day and it’s way too early to eat dinner.

On top of that I feel sad knowing that I’ll be spending tonight alone because my roommates are at work, my friends are too far away, and my boyfriend already made plans to hang out with his friends.

All I have to look forward to is a trip to the grocery store to buy a lemon so my kale salad doesn’t suck tonight.

I wonder to myself if this is how Behati feels sometimes, when Adam is at work filming for The Voice or away on tour, and all of her model friends are either halfway around the world on a shoot or equally too exhausted to move.

What a drag to have to go through this feeling every day,.

And then, because I literally couldn’t think of anything else to do, I took a selfie which ended up getting more likes than anything I’d posted in months.

So hungry that I legit don’t want move.

A photo posted by Maria Pasquini (@squeenz) on Jun 2, 2016 at 3:28pm PDT

EVENING

My salad tastes so much better, but it still tastes like a plain salad.

I’m feeling exhausted and famished so again, I just decide to call it a night early.

DAY 3

MORNING

I could write a love poem to groats, because that’s how hard I’ve fallen for them.

AFTERNOON

Around noon my stomach starts to grumble, and I am not upset at how much more manageable my hunger is today, although to be completely honest, I haven’t moved more than 15 feet since waking up, so my lack of activity may or may not have something to do with that.

An hour later, I eat my lunch faster than anything I’ve eaten in a long time, but I feel full, so whatever.

EVENING 

Feel surprisingly great after yoga, but mostly just because I had something else to think about for an hour besides how hungry I was.

Day 4

MORNING

Sadly, after eating my groats this morning, I did not feel full, and instead saw stars in front of my eyes whenever I stood up for longer than a few seconds. This is probably not a great sign.

AFTERNOON 

Feeling faint. Feeling weak. Feeling hot. Feeling like I want to die right here on the subway. I even cheated and had a piece of bread before lunch and I still feel like this.

On the bright side, one of my friends just told me I look really great.

EVENING

For some strange reason, I’m just not that hungry tonight, so I skip the toast part of my scrambled eggs and avocado meal, which works out seeing as I was a fatty and already had a piece of toast today.

Around 11 PM, I eat my handful of almonds, not so much because I’m hungry, but because I really would have killed for it a few hours earlier when I was so hungry I was actually welcoming death.

Day 5

MORNING

Groats.

Three hours later I eat all my almonds. It’s early. Whatever. Shit happens.

AFTERNOON

Lunch

Feeling exhausted, but also incredibly skinny.

EVENING

I accidentally took a nap for three hours, which is one way to avoid feeling sad about how little I get to eat.

Legit cannot even finish my salad today because it tastes so boring. I resolve to myself to never eat another raw kale salad with olive oil and lemon for as long as I live.

DAY 6

I barely thought about my hunger all day. My meals were satisfying and I could stretch out the length between them without a problem.

And then dinner happened.

My boyfriend and I went out to sushi, and it was so sad. Seeing everybody with food in front of them, salivating over THE SALAD my boyfriend got to eat before his sushi EVEN GOT TO THE TABLE.

And then, having to watch him be so full HE COULDN’T EVEN EAT HIS LAST 4 ROLES, which was 3/4 of what I’d had as a meal.  

Needless to say I was hungry the rest of the night and needed to eat an extra half fistful of almonds just to not lose it.

DAY 7

Again, food wasn’t really an issue today. Surprisingly, my body has gotten used to eating small amounts of delicious food. I think it’s also helped that I’ve abandoned the raw kale salads, which were always the roughest part of the diet for me.

And I will say, I look great. A week obviously isn’t long enough to get a completely flat stomach, but I can see how this diet + exercise is effective while only occasionally being the worst. 

Here’s what I looked like before I started dieting:

Isn’t it weird that I’m just a torso?

And here’s what I looked like after eating like Behati for a week?

JK, I have one arm

SEE THE SUBTLE DIFFERENCE?

WEEK 2: The Vita Sidorkina Diet

Again, I decided to do this diet next for a few reasons

#1: It let me eat more
#2: It let me eat yogurt for breakfast, which is one of my favorite foods IN THE WORLD
#3: It let me utilize most of the groceries I still had leftover from week one

Vita hasn’t been quite as explicit about her diet as Behati was, but thanks to Instagram I was able to piece something today that seemed comparatively decadent.

This is what Vita Sidorkina eats every day:

BREAKFAST: 1 cup of yogurt (or oatmeal) with mixed berries and nuts
LUNCH: avocado toast with 2 hardboiled eggs
SNACK: fruits and nuts
DINNER: zucchini pasta if she’s being good, literally anything else if she’s being bad

DAY 1

Okay okay, so I forgot to actually go to the grocery store last night so I ended up having a cup of groats for breakfast, and 5 pieces of leftover sushi for lunch, which wasn’t an attempt to cut calories, that’s just literally all I had in my fridge.

Dinner was actually a treat seeing as I’ve never had a hardboiled egg before (I know, what’s wrong with me?), and then I had my handful of almonds for desert.

DAY 2

I’m sorry, but today was going so well until I made the mistake of agreeing to meet my boyfriend for a drink when he got off at work.

But seriously, how am I supposed to say no to checking out the brand new tiki bar that just opened around the corner from his apartment?

Before I knew it, one drink had turned into two and then two drinks turned into me stuffing a bahn mi veggie hot dog down my face.

Oops.

DAY 3

I woke up feeling really bad about last night (LOL, how my values have shifted), and so after a sensible breakfast of oatmeal, agave and blueberries, I decided to hit the gym for some cario. Only then I remembered that I was out of fresh contacts, and the idea of running with my glasses on makes me upset.

So then I thought about doing yoga, but realized I’d be much happier if I sat in bed and just watched Daria for the next 30 minutes.

For lunch I had a cup of yogurt with blueberries, chia seeds, pumpkin seeds, walnuts and agave, but then for dinner I stopped by a local vegetarian restaurant and had a steaming bowl full of tofu, broccoli, carrots and some form of chili. It was delicious, unquestionably healthy, but I still probably ate more than I should have even though I stopped as soon as I felt full.

DAY 4

You guys, I was so good today. I had oatmeal for bfreakfast, yogurt for lunch, and a bowl of soup for dinner that couldn’t have been more than 250 calories. I also did a very abs-centric yoga workout for 45 minutes which was so intense that I cried TWICE.

DAY 5

Okay, so I fudged my diet a lot today.

For breakfast I had yoga, and then for lunch I had avocado toast minus eggs (because I ran out and didn’t have time to go across the street), so to compensate for the 160 calories I didn’t consume (an egg is about 80 calories, did you know that?) I went and got two tacos with my friend.

I’m pretty sure everything more or less evened out, but IDK.

DAY 6

Zucchini pasta is your friend, guys. It really, truly is.  I had one bowl and literally still felt full after I split a spliff with my roommate.

Miracles, they really do exist.

And honestly, after six days, I was ready to give this one a rest.

Here’s what I looked like after two weeks of dieting:

look, there’s me and my one arm again

SEE HOW SKINNY I’M GETTING, GUYS?

WEEK 3: The Nutritionist Diet

Okay, so this feels kind of like cheating,  but I wanted to see if it would feel that different to follow the diet that a nutritionist who works with Victoria’s Secret models suggested. It also just seemed like a lot of food and after two weeks of (mostly) lean meals, I was ready for a change.

Here’s what I was allowed to eat this week:

BREAKFAST: 1 cup of egg whites, 1/3 cup oats, 1/2 banana
SECOND BREAKFAST: 1 cup nonfat Greek yogurt and a cup of berries
LUNCH: protein source, plus as many vegetables as you want PLUS one apple/peach/pear
DINNER: same, minus the fruit
DESERT: 1/2 cup nonfat cottage cheese with 1 tbsp of cocoa power

Also, if I wanted a drink, I was totally allowed to have one! It had to be tequila with soda water, but still! What luxury!

Although to be honest, not so sound like a bitch or anything, but this diet was way just too much for me. Too much food, too many specific eating intervals, and even though I bought the cottage cheese, the idea of eating cottage cheese and cocoa power makes me want to vomit.

I did not follow this diet perfectly ONCE, and I can definitely tell the difference between a diet that’s coming straight from a nutritionist, and a diet that’s coming from a model who works with a nutritionist, if that makes any amount of sense.

Here’s how this week went.

DAY 1:

I woke up, had my cup of egg whites (which TBH are really annoying to scrub off my non-stick pan, and I really don’t care they’re less calories because they also taste like NOTHING and are NOT WORTH IT), and 1/3 cup oats, but I didn’t have the banana, and I made no attempt to even buy one for the duration of this diet.

Not that I have anything against bananas, it just didn’t happen.

Then for lunch, I had what I should have had for second breakfast.

Then for dinner, I had what I should have had for lunch, and somewhere along the way, I had a rice cake, and it was delicious and immediately became my new favorite food.

This is more or less what happened ever day, so I’ll spare you the repetition and only report what was different.

Day 2

More of the same, only for lunch I had leftover Chinese food from my cheat day, only without the rice.

Day 3

Today, I had a slice of pizza for dinner. I don’t remember why, but I do remember that it was delicious and I didn’t even feel bad because after banging my now-protruding hipbone against my door for the third time in a row, I was feeling so skinny that I thought, what the hell?

Day 4

Today I was good all the way until my boyfriend offered to split a cookie with him.

I have no regrets.

Day 5

My diet is boring. I have become boring. All I do is talk about food and for fun, I like to go to the grocery store and look at how delicious all the perfectly-packaged food is.

Day 6

I make an effort to really follow my diet today.

I have breakfast when I’m supposed to (minus the banana, but whatever), and then a few hours later I have yogurt and blueberries.

For lunch, I have a kale salad with avocado and then for dinner, I make zucchini pasta with veggie sausage.

It’s really delicious, but honestly, I can’t say that this diet was super successful for me seeing as I never followed it once and don’t see how any normal person with a life could.

This is what I looked like after three weeks of dieting:

Mmmhm, look at that underboob.

LOOK, IT ALMOST LOOKS LIKE I HAVE ABS EVEN THOUGH I’M NOT WORKING OUT AT ALL!

Week 4: The Alessandra Ambrisio Diet

We’ve disparaged this diet before for being way too easy to be effective, but over the course of my dieting, I’d come to an interesting conclusion about Victoria’s Secret diets that I really wanted to test.

I think that the reason why almost every Victoria’s Secret model will say they eat things like pizza and grilled cheese and cupcakes on a regular basis is because they’re working out so much that it just doesn’t fucking matter.

So, even though I wouldn’t be working out remotely as hard, I decided to work out every day for an hour.

Here’s what Alessandra Ambrosio eats every day:

BREAKFAST: eggs, and sometimes croissants or toast
LUNCH: salad
SNACK: nuts
DINNER: no sugar/carbs, unless she really wants pasta and then fuck it
DESSERT: one to two cupcakes a week because YOLO

DAY 1

So, today I took the whole loosey goosey diet approach very literally.

It just so happened to be my two-year anniversary of dating my boyfriend (I know, it’s gross), and so I kind of ate whatever I wanted.

For breakfast, I had a cup of groats, for lunch I had the leftover Chinese food from my cheat day (again with no rice), and then for dinner I ate all the food.

I had pasta, I had cake, I had lots of alcohol, and I felt great about it.

Day 2

Literally, I forgot to write down anything down for today, so let’s just assume that I ate three square meals and a snack, okay?

Day 3

After my sensible breakfast of eggs, I was feeling very hungry and very tempted by the mouth-watering croissants and bagels I saw people eating all around me. Still, I stayed strong and didn’t eat again until lunch, when I made myself a sensible salad of kale, onion, green pepper, half an avocado, and just a smidgen of cheese.

Even though I know how incredibly low carb the whole thing was, the cheese makes me feel fat. Like, literally I felt like a tub o’ lard. How Kim Kardashian does it as a mystery.

Then after my workout, I was starving but 15 minutes late to meet my boyfriend in the city, so I grabbed another smidgen of cheese and a tiny slice of the banana bread my roommate had just made.

Just before midnight I had a GIGANTIC doughy wrap which was delicious and worth every calorie, although I felt incredibly guilty while I was walking back to the subway.

Day 4

I was so good today, you guys. You don’t even want to hear about it.

Day 5

I was so good today, you guys, and then 11 p.m. rolled around and I just had to have one cookies and cream Hershey’s Kiss.

I know, I’m so disgusting.  You don’t even have to shame me.

Day 6

Today just so happened to be the Pride parade in NYC, so let’s just say that I “accidentally” got wasted and stoned and then proceeded to eat all of the food, okay?

But it’s okay because two different people commented on how skinny I looked, and one of them was a stranger.

Day 7

I was way too hungover to remember to bring eggs over to my boyfriend’s apartment, so I got a relatively healthy breakfast box at the coffee shop around the corner. There was some kale, a soft-boiled egg, a little cheese, and 80% more grits than I felt good about consuming.

I did not feel great about this choice.

By the time the afternoon rolled around, I was still feeling out of it, so instead of making a slad, I had two rice cakes with cheese instead. It felt filling, but then 30 minutes later I stress ate a bag of almonds, so you tell me how good of a decision it was.

Even though I had a perfectly respectable dinner of zucchini pasta WITHOUT veggie sausage, I still feel very fat and bloated, which is a joke seeing as literally all of my clothes feel loose right now.

This is what I looked like after 4 weeks of dating:

I’ll really miss getting to take all these bathroom selfies

In conclusion:

Following a steady program of Victoria’s Secret diets is hard, but it is doable.

Sure, there will be times when you want to die and feel thoroughly miserable about your life, but if I can do it, then so can you.

And yes, you will lose weight. Even when you start to slip up.

And yes, you will feel more confident when you wear a crop top in public, and you may even convince yourself that you don’t need to suck in your stomach anymore, but I’m sorry to report that you won’t look at yourself in the mirror every morning and think, damn, I look like a model.

You’ll still see all of the tiny flaws that are invisible to any eye besides yours, and after a big meal of vegetables, you may even find yourself thinking, “what a bloated cow I’ve become.”

But the next morning none of that will matter because you’ll finally be able to eat anything you want, and why spend a second crying over your weight when you could be eating a bagel with tofu cream cheese and avocado?

Life is too short to walk around wishing you looked like a 5’9” beauty queen who spends all day at the gym anyway.

So fucking chill out and eat a sandwich already.

We’ve been hearing rumors of a Fergie revival for weeks now and this morning Fergie dropped her first single in 8 years, which is already being called the song of the summer by literally one news outlet.

Honestly, we’re inclined to agree for three reasons.

#1: The song is called “M.I.L.F. $,” which FYI, is pronounced MILF – money
#2: It’s classic Fergie, which means it’s so bad that after five seconds of hearing it, you’re already obsessed.
#3: Most of the other songs that have been released this summer are really boring

For example, take this sample lyric from the first verse:

“Heard you in the mood for a little M.I.L.F. shake / welcome to the diary duchess love factory / I can whip it up, mix you up straight away / comin in the front door, leavin at the back door / flip it, whip it, haiiiiii.”

Pure poetry.

And unlike Gwen Stefani, whose recent comeback album was a little too grown up to still be fun, Fergie’s not afraid to go back to her mid-2000s roots, and spend a signifigant amount of time spelling words over a beat.

“ Cause we i – n – d – e – p – e – n – d – e – n – t / do you know what that means? / can’t see me b – r – o – k – e / I’m p – a – i – d.”

Three very important words to know how to spell, amiright?

Welcome back, Fergie.

You’ve been m – i – s – s – e -d.

When I was in middle school, my mom gave me the best love advice of my life: don’t ever call a boy.

It’s retro and it’s a double standard, but as I would soon learn, it works every. damn. time. Sorry about it.

And a few recent studies confirm that no, it’s not your imagination. When you ignore a guy, it really does make him want you more.

Because boys are dumb and easy to control by doing nothing, I don’t know what else to say to you.

The first study, detailed by Shana Lebowitz at Business Insider, had men go on dates with women who they either selected or were assigned to take out. The women were told to either act uninterested or interested. At the end, the researchers found the men were most interested in seeing women who they’d selected and who’d acted uninterested, because they felt “committed” to their choices, no matter how bored the women had acted.

Also, weirdly, although the men “wanted” these uninterested women, they didn’t necessarily “like” them. Only a man would keep chasing someone he doesn’t actually like.

Meanwhile, in the second study, women were asked to rate men’s Facebook profiles based on whether the men liked them, disliked them, or didn’t know who they were. Women liked the people who were interested in us most, as well as the ones who didn’t know us yet — not the ones who disliked us. Probably because we are normal.

So the moral of the story is if a guy seeks you out and you’re interested in him, you should play it a little aloof. Don’t ever text him first and definitely don’t ever tell him you like him. Yes, it’s old-fashioned to let a guy do all the chasing, but I don’t make the rules and neither does science. Sorry.

The summer Olympics are kicking off in Rio in just a few short months. But the Fuckboy Olympics? They’re happening worldwide, 24/7, all around us.

So we decided to run our own version of the Olympic Games over the next seven Fridays, with the planet’s preeminent pop culture fuckboys competing for the title of biggest douchenozzle of 2016.

Thirty-two prolific booty texters and asshats have been selected to compete in four divisions: American entertainers (who faced off last week), American athletes, international superstars, and elder statesmen. Our panel of Galore judges will select winners each week, advancing until Friday, Aug. 19, when we crown our gold medal winner.

Classifying who is and isn’t a fuckboy isn’t an exact science. A fuckboy is not just a guy who sleeps with a lot of women, but a guy who also manipulates or hoodwinks his conquests. That frat guy on campus who bangs a new girl every night isn’t a fuckboy, even if he’s got a really high number. But the guy who’s putting the moves on several girls simultaneously at the same party, hooking up with them in different rooms, then ghosting them both the next morning as soon as they realize they’ve been had? That’s a fuckboy.

See, a fuckboy’s only bae is himself, and his only talent is screwing girls over. He’s got the perfect IDGAF swag, and few to no emotions — but he’ll pretend he’s in love if it means you’ll let him try anal.

So kicking off our second week of the Fuckboy Olympiad, we’ve got eight of the fuckboying-est America athletes facing off to see who will advance to the next round. Enjoy.

Let’s get ready to fuckboy!

1. Nick Young vs. Tiger Woods

These two athletic fuckboys couldn’t be more different.

Tiger Woods’ main crime is cheating on a his gorgeous wife with an endless parade of call girls. Seeming like your typical friendly and boring golfer from the get-go, he slithered into the hearts of the American public, only to take a giant shit on our dreams by proving once and for all he was a down-low cad.

“He is the epitome of what every athlete’s wife worries about,” sex and dating writer Ashley Uzer points out. “I’m sure if she was suspicious before he got caught, he made her feel like she was crazy for suspecting him.”

Nick Young, on the other hand, has a much less prolific list of conquests, but he’s way more of a douche about it. Nick is a human meme first, an ex-fiancé to Iggy Azalea second, and a basketball player third. He and Iggy recently broke up because he’d impregnated a side chick. But they also almost broke up a few months ago when he was caught on tape bragging about the girls he’d banged, like only a fuckboy would.

At least Tiger Woods had the decency to try and keep his fuckboy behavior under wraps, which technically makes him a little bit less of a fuckboy. Bragging about your sex life a la Nick Young is 9000% fuckboy.

Still, our panel of fuckboy judges didn’t see it that way, and voted almost unanimously in favor of Tiger as fuckboy champ of this round.

“Tiger Woods has the air of a pussy,” as writer Abeline Cohen succinctly put it.

“Nick Young seemed more pathetic than anything else to me,” intern Kayla Jackson said while deliberating. “Tiger Woods cheated with more women over a longer period of time, also I read he was super cheap and sleazy wtih them.”

Video producer Victoria Brandt points out that the real winner in all this is Tiger’s ex-wife, Elin Nordegren.

“She chased him with one of his own like championship-winning golf clubs, so she really wins at life,” Vic said.

Tiger Woods: 8

Nick Young: 2

WINNER: Tiger Woods

2. Tom Brady vs. Kobe Bryant

Here, we had even more of a landslide vote — this time, in favor of Kobe Bryant. Despite the fact that Tom Brady proposed to Gisele Bündchen while Bridget Moynihan was pregnant with his child, and he has the most punchable annoying smug face in the NFL, only one of our judges think he’s a bigger fuckboy than Kobe Bryant.

“The photo of Ben Affleck’s nanny mistress in Tom Brady’s plane indicates the epitome of fuckboy,” Abeline said. “So Tom Brady wins here.”

But for the other judges, what really tipped the scales on this one were allegations of sexual assault against Kobe Bryant.

“This was a tough call because they both have championship dick syndrome and think they can fuck anything, but I have to give it to Kobe for sexual assault charges tbh,” Vic said.

And as Ashley points out, it’s not just Kobe’s shady and sometimes criminal behavior that earns him the title — it’s the fact that through it all, he remains basketball’s golden boy, even at home.

“You must be a professional fuckboy if you can not only cheat, but be charged for sexually assaulting another woman, and still convince your wife to stay with you,” Ashley said. “Either that dick is bomb or he knows exactly how to butter a girl up.”

Tom Brady: 1

Kobe Bryant: 9

WINNER: Kobe Bryant

3. Dwyane Wade vs. Derek Jeter

This was our closest match-up in American athletes division. While Dwyane Wade earns his place on the list for fathering a child by someone else while he was engaged to Gabrielle Union (just like Tom Brady!), Derek Jeter just has more celeb notches in his bedpost than any other athlete.

Derek’s been linked to Minka Kelly, Jessica Biel, Adriana Lima, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Alba, Vanessa Lachey, Mariah Carey, and the list goes on. Despite his lack of scandals, this alone qualifies him in some judges’ eyes to be considered the bigger fuckboy.

“I say Derek Jeter wins because he has somehow managed to convince females he’s attractive,” Vic said.

Also, as Ashley points out, “if you do a quick Google image search of him, you’ll notice that he has the biggest fuckboy smirk you’ve ever seen.”

Those who voted for Dwyane Wade did it out of solidarity with Gabrielle Union.

“He made her blame herself and he didn’t just cheat, he brought another child into the world as a result of him cheating,” Kayla said.

Dwyane Wade: 4

Derek Jeter: 6

WINNER: Derek Jeter

4. Kris Humphries vs. Michael Phelps

This truly delightful round pits against each other two men who would truly never get laid if it wasn’t for their athletic careers: erstwhile KUWTK star Kris Humphries and giant fish-man Michael Phelps.

Now, Kris Humphries has been painted as a victim because of his 72-day marriage to Kim Kardashian, but he is also truly the worst. Not only was he a dick to Kim and her fam, but his asinine comments extended to mocking Caitlyn Jenner’s transition on Twitter when he wrote, “Thank God I got out of that family in time,” after her Diane Sawyer interview.

“I just see him as a normal guy who’s been misunderstood because their marriage was so short,” Kayla said.

That’s not how intern Keely Quinlan sees it.

“The Kardashians are responsible for him getting a little taste of fame, and then he turns around and talks so much shit about them?” Keely said. “It’s so disrespectful.”

Same with pop culture writer Maria Pasquini.

“I will never forget that moment on KUWTK when Kris pushed Kim into the pool, and then refused to help her search for the piece of jewelry she lost in the process,” Maria said. “He was def just with her because she was famous and didn’t try to make the marriage work AT ALL.”

Michael Phelps’ biggest sin is how hard he tries to be cool.

“He’s like that guy from high school who joints a frat and comes back on winter break thinking he’s the tits and can’t stop talking about his ‘sick’ brothers or all the hot chicks he’s allegedly boned at school,” Ashley said.

Still, for most of our judges, that wasn’t enough to earn him the Fuckboy title.

“Michael Phelps is just an idiot from too much chlorine,” Vic said. “Kris Humphries is walking excrement.”

Kris Humphries: 8

Michael Phelps: 2

WINNER: Kris Humphries

Now let’s take a look at our new American Athletes leader board…

Next week, we have a truly scintillating division ahead of us.

We’re comparing international superstars as the following matchups go head-to-head:

Cristiano Ronaldo vs. Harry Styles

David Beckham vs. Justin Bieber

Partynextdoor vs. Jude Law

Prince Harry vs. Colin Farrell

Don’t miss it! And for previous Fuckboy Olympiad coverage, click here.

While we live in an age where it seems difficult for anybody to make a living from writing, some of us are still dreamers, inspired by the fact that J.K. Rowling was poor as shit until she wrote the Harry Potter series.

But if there’s any chance of you taking over for Lena Dunham, you’ll have to learn from the pros. The New Yorker just put out a story called, “The Middle of Things: Advice for Young Writers,” which prompted me to conduct an internet search that could aid guide any writing hopeful on the road to success.

Here’s all the best advice for aspiring writers, below.

1. Only Write About Stuff You Care About

“Probably the most oft quoted piece of advice is ‘write what you know.’ I’d revise that to say ‘write what interests you.'” – Adam Haslett, Pulitzer Prize finalist and author of Imagine Me Gone on Quora.

2. Don’t Become an Alcoholic

Writers often take their stories on for themselves.

“You have to feel horrible things,”Cynthia Bond, author of Ruby told The Guardian. “Like what makes a pedophile attracted to a child, the sadistic pleasure that someone gets from hurting someone. I feel everything. God, I really wish I was a good drinker. I get why so many writers are alcoholics! Me, I just ate a lot of chocolate.”

3. Read Rainer Marie Rilke’s “Letters to a Young Poet”

Andrew Solomon said so in the New Yorker article. I can’t personally vouch for this, but I believe him.

4. Ask Yourself if You Would Die If You Couldn’t Write

And if you wouldn’t, according to Mr. Rilke, take yourself out of the game.

5. Give Yourself Deadlines

‘Cause you can’t do anything if you don’t have goals, right? “It’s easy to take 10 years to write a novel when you don’t have deadlines, or to stop writing altogether,” Holly Robinson, author of Chance Harbor said.

6. Get a Room

“A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction,” Virginia Woolf once wrote.  I’m not sure about the money aspect of this, but definitely carve out some space for yourself in life. Otherwise you’ll never have a moment to think about all the brilliant stories you’re going to write. Get to it.

Amber Rose doesn’t have a problem with speaking her mind about anything, but do you know what she is done talking about? The fact that people still think Kanye West made her famous.

In an interview with the Daily Beast Amber Rose said:

“The misconception—and I still hear this seven years later, to this day—is, ‘You’re only famous for Kanye.; Initially, absolutely. In 2009, when they’re like, ‘Amber Rose—Kanye’s girlfriend,’ I was like, ‘OK, that’s pretty accurate. That’s what it is.’ But I didn’t ask to be famous, and I didn’t even talk or do interviews for two years, because I thought, ‘I don’t want this. I’m not famous.’ Over time, with going out in public, I realized it would never go away, so I didn’t have any choice but to progress. Everything I’ve done since then is my own doing, and I’ve worked my f*cking ass off for everything I have.”

She also points out that whenever women “make” men famous, or bros help each other out, nobody says shit.

“Wendy Williams put Charlamagne on. Jay Z put Kanye on! But they don’t do that to men, and they always want to diminish my accomplishments and put them on someone else when I work really hard.”

While Amber Rose does have a point here, we’d be remiss if we didn’t point out that there’s a difference between an established celebrity helping a new artist reach a bigger audience and a celebrity’s girlfriend, boyfriend, fuckbuddy, whatever, becoming famous in their own right because of that exposure.

Not that either is better or worse, they’re just different.

Still, preach Mama Rose.

The world needs more fearless femmes who aren’t afraid to tell their famous ex to stick a finger up his ass already.

[H/T Daily Beast]